this post was submitted on 12 May 2026
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No Stupid Questions

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It's not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I've been like this all my life. I'll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn't around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.

Same thing with people using my name. I don't mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don't know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.

I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening "thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?" I assumed the unspoken rule was that I'm giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.

Edit:

Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.

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When I worked in sales, it was in our training to try to use the customers' name once you found it. It was supposed to establish a rapport, but it always felt forced and manipulative to me.

I bet it was one of those things where there was a study or focus group that suggested it increased sales or customer satisfaction. I also bet it's one of those old business stories that hearkens back to the 60's, or the sample size was tiny, or it was some CEO spouting bullshit that was taken as fact. My point being that it's one of those oft-repeated sales techniques that may not be based in reality.

Even if it's a real thing and statistically more people either like it or don't notice it: I always found it super alienating and I know I'm not alone in that opinion. When I notice someone using too many of these little psychological tricks, I've gone to shop elsewhere because I just don't trust those people.

When I call into a call center, I try to close the conversation by repeating your name. Like "Thanks early_riser, you were a big help today." I hate the phone, so I probably don't actually want to talk to you again (no offense), but somehow that feels more human to me.

Then again, I'm also paranoid that I misheard your name at the start of the conversation. I hope you don't take it too personally if I call you Thagomizer because it sounds similar.