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Whenever somebody uses my name I immediately feel like I'm in trouble, then when I realize I'm not, I feel like they are faking intimacy by continuing to say my name and are attempting to manipulate me.
I'm also that guy that will be completely clueless that you are in to them until you grab me by the junk. So, there's that.
It depends on how you define weird, but this phenomenon has a name (if that gives you a clue as to how common or uncommon it might be): Alexinomia
I also not only struggle with not feeling weird when I hear my name, but I also just avoid using other people’s names to the point that people get upset with me when I am trying to tell them about things involving multiple people because I will simply never name any of them. It makes listening to me rather confusing for others, and I’m not even entirely aware I’m doing it. And I die a little bit inside whenever I’m in a situation that requires me to address someone by name.
Might be worth looking into Alexinomia for some more information if this is bothering you.
I'm same, but it is weird too.
I think you're just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get "oddly angry" when someone uses your name when they're strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.
I too had a decent upbringing, but, after a bit of introspection about why I'm so wary of my own name, it came down to this:
I have two names. One is my given name and the other is "son".
My parents have always tended to use my given name in negative and neutral contexts and "son" in more positive ones. It's not intentional on their part, and I expect my father got the same, but I think it's at the root of it all.
Good upbringing or not, how many of us are still terrified of being addressed by our full name in an irate tone? I'm convinced it's related.
The only wrinkle that bothers me is when a sonless aunt once called me "son" and it made me very uncomfortable. But, I figure there are other reasons for that.
Names exist specifically so other people have something to call you. There is no point in having a name if it isn't explicitly for the purpose of being used by other people.
Yes it is weird. It is your name, what else should they call you? “Cat with the fluffy eyebrows”?
I assumed the unspoken rule is rule is that the client can give my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints.
The call center would certainly now you took the call without needing your name, but you are partially correct. You giving your name humanizes your interaction with the client so the client is less inclined to submit a complaint. Also so much of customer satisfaction with outages and issues is achieved just by having someone address the issue.
I'm just bad with remembering names so I've learned to just not use them.
Hah, for me exactly the opposite: I repeat peoples' names when I talk to them so I remember them. At first it felt awkward, like OP described, but now I do it naturally without thinking.
I tried that and it didn't work, just like all the other memory tricks. Hell, I talk to four friends online almost every single day for over a decade and occasionally one of their names slips my mind.
ADHD sure makes social interactions fun!
i write down people's names when i first meet them on a notebook in my phone. it works!
i.e.: 2026-05-12, university, department of chemistry, charlie (in the context of a new research group i encountered)
note that the example is made up. nobody's called charlie.
Cool, cool. While doing multiple things can slightly improve the chances of me remembering someone's name until the next time I sleep when my brain flushes anything it doesn't consider important that it didn't drop already. Writing names down does not work for me as a long term solution, but it can be helpful in a short window.
I tried literally every possible approach over decades and nothing sticks for names of people I don't interact with often. Sometimes my brain does remember a few people's names, but I have no control over when it works and when it doesn't.
My favorite thing at work is our photo directory! It lets me see the person to connect my memories to their name in an email or meeting roster because I remember literally everything else about a person except their name when it is relevant. My brain just doesn't consider names to be important I guess.
Have you asked yourself why you feel this way? Names literally exist to be used. No cultural norm I am aware of prohibits their use, other than it would be weird in limited contexts like if you called your parents by their names. But even that is not universal. A stranger using your name is not disrespectful in the least, so getting mad about that seems like a problem.
Me and my siblings called our parents by their nicknames, which led to some confusion - my little sister told someone "I don't have a mommy, i only have a ".
IIRC in tibet people are given names when they enter puberty, so at 13 years age. before that they're just called "child".
Interesting. So there are exceptions to what I said, but I think OP would've mentioned it if that applied here.
It may be possible that a work incident has made it so hearing your name in passing making you twitch is because it's always used in a non-positive way.
I worked at a toxic workplace and if I ever heard my name that wasn't directly at me, it was because someone was sharing drama that involved me. Or I was being mocked. Or worse, they were preparing to rip into me.
My new job, everyone is pretty positive and if I hear my name across the hall, I'm excited.
I don’t like people using my full name as nothing good usually follows, but I’m pretty that’s a cultural thing, parents addressing their kids by full name usually means the kid is in trouble.
Idk seems like egg behavior
Identifying this as egg behaviour might be egg behaviour.
Sorry, should have prefaced that, it seems like egg behavior non derogatory.
It feels more personal to use names. I use them to remove distance between and the other person. I wouldn't like that for a sales call either, but otherwise I think it's important for building relationships.
it's also important for manipulating people.
I think that's implied by "removing distance". The only reason to do that quickly is for manipulation.
yeah i get that, honestly i've had the same thing for a lot of my life. turns out it's just because my name doesn't really fit me at all, i got to legally change it eventually, now i like being called by my new name :3
edit: also i'm autistic yeah, because the comments mention it a lot
I don't mind when people say my name, but I am reluctant to use names. Even when I know the name of the person I'm talking to, I'm afraid I'll say the wrong one.
I don't think this is uncommon, but definitely varies in the level of discomfort caused.. For me using a name is a degree of familiarity. My favorite people saying my name feels great. But in general I don't like most of the social/sales "hacks" for speeding up the process of intimacy/social closeness.
"Keep my name out of your mouth"
Yeah I think it comes down to social deixis. I took Spanish calls as well as English. Spanish has a formal and informal “you” Usted and tú, respectively. I got the same irritated reaction when clients used informal pronoun and verb forms with me.
To be clear this irritation is completely internal. I understand it would be rude to snap at people who I know are just trying to be friendly. My awareness of how inappropriate this reaction is is why I made this post.
I make it a thing to say the person's name that I just met at least 3 times. It's the only way I can remember their names.
Extroverts (and/or salespeople) use the name of their conversation partner a lot, as a way of connecting, I guess.
I'm the opposite I don't care who you are, don't ask who I am, we are here for business transaction xyz, let's get it done and be on our way.
No. I feel the same way. I don't use people's names in general unless I have to like yell at them.
I like when peoole use my name but i also avoid using them
so many young people get all bent out of shape when i say sir. i dont even dare say ma'am bc i will get yelled at. but i wish they were acceptable, bc i struggle with name recollection.
That’s a cultural thing for sure. Here in Texas all women are “ma’am” regardless of age.
When I worked in sales, it was in our training to try to use the customers' name once you found it. It was supposed to establish a rapport, but it always felt forced and manipulative to me.
I bet it was one of those things where there was a study or focus group that suggested it increased sales or customer satisfaction. I also bet it's one of those old business stories that hearkens back to the 60's, or the sample size was tiny, or it was some CEO spouting bullshit that was taken as fact. My point being that it's one of those oft-repeated sales techniques that may not be based in reality.
Even if it's a real thing and statistically more people either like it or don't notice it: I always found it super alienating and I know I'm not alone in that opinion. When I notice someone using too many of these little psychological tricks, I've gone to shop elsewhere because I just don't trust those people.
When I call into a call center, I try to close the conversation by repeating your name. Like "Thanks early_riser, you were a big help today." I hate the phone, so I probably don't actually want to talk to you again (no offense), but somehow that feels more human to me.
Then again, I'm also paranoid that I misheard your name at the start of the conversation. I hope you don't take it too personally if I call you Thagomizer because it sounds similar.
i dont like people using my full, un-abbreviated name, it is a dead sure sign they don't know me at all. When i use peoples names it always feels like im talking down to them?
I do like to use names that i make up for people, little nick-names (if they accept them and they stick)
Definitely weird but ultimately doesn't make a difference