this post was submitted on 25 May 2026
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My favorite is when they tell me I'm the immature one because I don't want to be their daddy.
And what sucks is there is nobody who isn't a bullet. Everyone is like this now, at least in my dating pool. People don't grow and self reflect as they age, they just double-down on their bitterness towards others. When they talk about 'growth and self reflection and emotional maturity' all they mean is they are more uncompromising in what they demand from others. They never think that maybe their 'standards' are totally absurd in light of the limits of economic, emotional, and physical reality of other people. Those limits only apply to themselves!
My favorite is the lady who tells you she doesn't care about money, or material things, etc. but her 'bare minimum' is you drive a 70K car, own a luxury home, and have some very prestigious job/career/education. meanwhile she's a mid-level office worker driving a beat up Toyota... and she seems absolutely nothing contradictory or hypocritical with this 'standard'. And she also thinks men are just all 'using her for sex and can't commit'... I wonder why... almost as if when you are a shallow transactional person you only end up with other shallow transactional people...
Home (at least somewhere they are welcome to stay, and comfortable staying...)
Income (Don't budge on this one)
Vehicle (or at least used to public transit/walking/biking enough to not treat you as a chaufer)
... all anyone needs to bring to the table on a material level. People will tell you about their standards all day long, but most are hypocrites - they are more flexible than they'll let-on and/or are probing for push-back, checking to see who will "wear the pants" in a relationship.
If you're inflexible your-self, with zero tolerance for bullshit or even a sense of humor about it, you're going to have a bad time.
People say "single people are single for a reason", but almost always pretend its unique to their age group or dating pool/whatever, but really its just-about equally true at all ages, and always applicable to onesself. Hardly anyone is single just-because their shitty ex was so shitty - shitty people attract shitty people, and its easier to make a new lover into a shitty person than to un-fuck what previous relationships and they have done to themselves, trying to hold-on to what they saw in so-and-so to the point that when its over they can't let go of all the bad "surprises" that awaited them.
Don't think of yourself or your experiences as so different from theirs. If you've had fewer, longer-term relationships than they, you still likely had many events where you and previous SO's fell in-and-out of love - you just happened to work through them until you didn't. In many cases, by most people's criteria, maybe you shouldn't have, and in just-as many, maybe your partner "should have" walked-away - its when "should have" wins-out over attachment that the relationship is dead, even if it doesn't know it yet.
That said, if someone demands to be treated like a pet, that's between you and them, and no, I'm not referring to furries or people who are self-aware, but the "don't you dare shatter my fantasies"-types. I don't have the patience to constantly pretend I am also surprised that the inevitable happened, but I've seen plenty who do. The ones that realize it aren't always so-bad off, unless its "I gotta pretend for th kid's sake". Generally, don't have kids with the poor, the disrespectful, OR the crazy, yeah?
No. I've had lots of kinds of relationships. dozens. short, long, one night stands, casual to we're going to get engaged serious.
and the all end because of bullshit. hypocrisy, lying, cheating or otherwise being dishonest about themselves or their intentions.
I don't bullshit or lie to people, I think it's pretty easy to do, personally. But I understand that for many people relationships are built on bullshit and lies, and nothing of substance and they don't know anything else is possible.
my favorite is the women who wanted to be no strings casual, but got bitter and jealous if they found out I was seeing someone else, but thought it was total legit for them to sleep around with whomever they wanted, but if I did that it was misogyny or abuse and when I laughed and walked away they were enraged, because the rules mutually agreed to only apply to her, not to me, or something.
You don't build on the bullshit and lies, but around it. It's a pain-in-the-ass, but so is dealing with a snitch who is incapable of lying. Personally, I tell my wife and kids to throw me under the bus as needed to get them out of awkward conversations and commitments they don't want to make. "My dad won't let me do that" works a treat. The latest was "my dad won't let me commit insurance fraud"(like I particularly care about insurance fraud, but my limits are surprisingly more restrictive than some we know who would never admit it).
cool. i'd want nothing to do with you or your wife if that's how you interact with other people. you sound like your both happy being shitty to other people together.
Nah, my wife is much more like you, and it's often exhausting, although she's learned a bit across the decades.
You're a little old to be equating the capacity to lie to get by, doing even the bare minimum to preserve your own and others' dignity, and feelings, with "being shitty". As if euphemism and metaphore are just "cool story-telling tricks we developed for some reason", or human recall doesn't make AI hallucinations look almost par for the course of actual intelligence.
No wonder you're single.
I'd rather be happy telling the truth than miserable being a lying bullshitting asshole.
Some people can't be happy unless they are lying and bullshitting, I am very aware how many folks go around in a perpetual cloud of delusional bullshit. Sound like you are one of them? cool.
People like you just demand to be lied to and will never admit when things are contrary to what they expect. Thinking you're really more truthful than others is just huffing your own farts.
I don't gaslight people - I come clean and what's this? I'm never called-out on things I've actually lied about - for anything that matters I was almost-always just wrong about something, genuinely confused, but good luck getting me to help you lie to yourself in a way that hurts people. Can you claim any of that with a straight face? Do you even own your mistakes, like ever? Doubt.
right, everyone is a liar, because you lie. and if they don't lie, they suck.
this is exactly how all my exes told me too. everyone cheats! if you aren't doing it, you're a chump! and anyone who is better than me, is shitty.
notice how in this, you're always right, and everyone else is wrong? funny how convenient that works out for you.
You've seriously got the wrong idea about me and what I was trying to say to you. I'm not trying to elevate liars, just people, versus the worthlessness of lies and petty truths that aren't helful.
You have suffered because you are too wrapped-up in one of the Three Sieves of Socrates . Most lies aren't worth calling out because doing so is not kind or helpful - particularly the lies that good people tell themselves to get through the day.
I never said you should or had to lie to get by, be a good person, or have a full understanding. I won't even pretend I'm too wrapped-up in the concept of trying to be a good person, BUT, the wicked man still knows what goodness looks like, and I personally dis-like watching good people suffer, almost as much as I dis-like watching "good" people disparage others over something that basically amounts to LOUDLY MIS-UNDERSTANDING THINGS.
au contraire, I am merely a vaguely reasonable person who wastes time begging idiots like you to notice and acknowlege simple facts laid-out by studies throughout both of our lifespans and before. I happened to have learned about some of them before middle-school, and so I've been at this versus self-righteous cretins for a looong time.
How DARE I ask you to make life a little easier for everyone, starting with yourself?
So wait, you mean EVERYONE who has been in a position to tell you anything about your own bullshit, over-the-top reactions to this topic has had the same response? Literally, everyone else is wrong, as you've put it - I'm not the one alone in my world-view here.
Look, if you can't look in the mirror, could you at least pick a narrative? I was bored with your incoherent gibberish days and days-ago. If self-honesty and intro-spection are such hateful topics to you, maybe don't interact with them, but calling people who are honest with you about the potential for dis-honesty out as pathological liars just makes you look stupid, ignorant, and even likely in-sincere.
If I lie, I've committed to doing the work to make it true(the optimist's conceit), at least enough to let the other person pretend they don't know better. When you lie, its because you can't even be bothered to notice or admit that's what's happened. No wonder you're alone.