Greentext

kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he’s the reason

You're right, he wouldn't. And if you try to use suicide to make pthers feel guilty, it's not going to work; i presume he's not the only person who you would want to hurt. Some of those others will actually rejoice at your passing, your dad will rationalise it in his head that it wasn't his fault but rather some lifestyle choice you picked up or a mental illness or "mind virus." The more you try and put in a suicide letter, the more willing to dismiss it people become; there is no way to succeasfully drag people down with you.

I've considered it myself just to get at everyone who ever hurt me. I too have been cruelly treated, by probably everyone i've really known for a sizeable amount of time, whether it's a friend a bully or a relative stranger. You will never manage to drag them all to the pits of hell, it's really only their own actions that can determine that.

So. I'll state the obvious conclusions: you cannot kill yourself to hurt others who have hurt you. Even if they're usually close to you. Only the people who love you and genuinely tried to treat you perfectly would be proportionately hurt by it. And we only triumph over people who hurt us by living better than them, and a lot of the time you never get to know what that means - so you can only aim on treating yourself well, which aught to be enough.

I've also seen one guy who has major beef with his dad basically try this, threaten suicidal behaviour, tell him all his problems are caused by him. It bounced off him like a rubber ball. Maybe your dad is Gen X, boomer, or even older - people of that age are very very stubborn, you cannot expect thsm to react to things the way young blood would.

I stopped talking to that friend (he hasn't been depressed in a long time and is just an asshole with a massive friend group now). I saw his father in the park recently and he was weeping, as if really reflective about something, some earth shattering news. My only conclusion is that he finally got the message regarding how badly he's treated his son.

This shows that the best thing you can do to, you know, "drill it into your dad's skull" is keep talking to him about it. Do it creatively if it helps: send him letters covering what you want to tell him, tell him hypothetical stories and ask what he would do in the situation, then go "well that was me at x years old, and you did/said Y to me and it was terrible."

In regards to more distant people in your life - you have to assume their sin catches up with them. It seems to be the case for all sorts of peopls, and it weighs on their minds 24/7 and hurts them as much as they hurt you.