this post was submitted on 29 May 2026
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kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he's the reason
dw i'm not suicidal but yeah
Let your vengeance be living past, well and better than.
This does NOT work. People don't say "Damn, that girl I bullied is doing well?! Shit, I feel terrible!", no. The bullies will live their lives and I'll live mine. They will pass their entire lives without being punished for their acts while I'm being punished for not fighting back.
Yeah people say things like "they'll get what's coming to them" which is mostly true if the person never learns or grows, but yeah sometimes people just get away with doing bad stuff and that's kinda just how it is. It's fine to be mad at them, the "well I need to get back at them by..." is still focusing on them though. Usually best thing you can do is say "wow what a POS" and try to fix your life for your own sake, sometimes unfair stuff happens and all you can do is try and deal with it.
At the end of our lives, we are completely free. Give your bully a visit in their retirement home.
nobody is punishing you. other than yourself for shit you did or didn't do decades ago.
let it go. or see a therapist who will help you move on from that shit.
There is no finer revenge than being happier than your bully.
There is one: being happier than your bully and have it that other people openly point that out to them.
But hey, pretty decent second place!
Ah, no, you still care about what they think. You need to move past that shit and just be happier.
that's boring. and tbh i don't even want revenge, literally all i want is for him to acknowledge that he hurt me, but he refuses to even admit he ever even acted aggressively or anything towards me
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents might be the book for you. It wrecked me for weeks, and then I had one of my parents read it. It wrecked them too. This sort of thing is a generational trauma.
yeah, 100%. my dad had an extremely abusive upbringing, like his (adoptive) mother forced him to sleep in the dog house and hit him with whips and crazy shit, so he can't even perceive that the way he treated me was abusive (even though i have a fucking scar from where he threw a knife at me for literally no reason) because what he did to me doesn't even register to him as abuse because he loves me.
i'll look into the book, but fwiw, i've had many years of therapy, and i've near enough made peace with the idea of not having him in my life. i really struggle to communicate with him, his denials register to me as gaslighting which is really triggering, so it's hard for me to help him. he also doesn't read books at all, probably because of undiagnosed dyslexia
I went through this with my mom. In one of our last conversations, I mentioned that years ago, when I was 18 and lived with her briefly, I took like fourty of her seroquel pills to try and kill myself. "Remember when I slept for three days straight?" And told her what I remembered of that time. Instead of her saying, "oh wow I didnt know that happened" and empathizing or something, she just denied it ever happened, got mad at me and called me a liar.
I never spoke to her again. I dont remember our last words but this one one of the staws for me.
The last time I spoke to my step father, the real abuser, was when I was 16. Letting go of that mess was easy.
Sometimes healing, or "forgiveness" (I hate that word) is in letting go. My Bio dad/mom were both raised pretty fucked up, especially my bio dad, not dissimilar from what ur father went through. I mourn his childhood, but not his death (he died) nor who he was as an adult.
Stay being good to yourself, I hope you find peace and healing in letting go <3
Christ, what a mess. Sorry for that. I just can't stop recommending this book to everyone, but I know books can't solve every problem. It did help me reframe things, but it did also slightly burden me with a certain understanding about the way the world is. So much boils down to emotional immaturity and people never growing up.
it's not your job to help him. it's your job to help yourself.
Oh that's definitively more complicated and much less actionable, you'd have to engage with them a lot to change them in the right direction, or just Hope™ that someone else does that job for you.
I think i had some good thoughts regarding this in my big-ass reply to you, so if you don't read all of it, here's the relevant bits:
tbh, I doubt any of that would get through and it would just prolong an unhealthy relationship.
It's best to cut ties and move on if possible.
Source: my mom sucks and nothing is ever her fault. The exception to the rule was when she got wicked drunk at my dad's memorial service and kept shouting that she'd killed him. She only stopped once a couple people stepped in to try and reassure her that she hadn't, which brought the focus back on her. (Spoiler alert: she did. Without her actions he'd still be alive.)
You're right, he wouldn't. And if you try to use suicide to make pthers feel guilty, it's not going to work; i presume he's not the only person who you would want to hurt. Some of those others will actually rejoice at your passing, your dad will rationalise it in his head that it wasn't his fault but rather some lifestyle choice you picked up or a mental illness or "mind virus." The more you try and put in a suicide letter, the more willing to dismiss it people become; there is no way to succeasfully drag people down with you.
I've considered it myself just to get at everyone who ever hurt me. I too have been cruelly treated, by probably everyone i've really known for a sizeable amount of time, whether it's a friend a bully or a relative stranger. You will never manage to drag them all to the pits of hell, it's really only their own actions that can determine that.
So. I'll state the obvious conclusions: you cannot kill yourself to hurt others who have hurt you. Even if they're usually close to you. Only the people who love you and genuinely tried to treat you perfectly would be proportionately hurt by it. And we only triumph over people who hurt us by living better than them, and a lot of the time you never get to know what that means - so you can only aim on treating yourself well, which aught to be enough.
I've also seen one guy who has major beef with his dad basically try this, threaten suicidal behaviour, tell him all his problems are caused by him. It bounced off him like a rubber ball. Maybe your dad is Gen X, boomer, or even older - people of that age are very very stubborn, you cannot expect thsm to react to things the way young blood would.
I stopped talking to that friend (he hasn't been depressed in a long time and is just an asshole with a massive friend group now). I saw his father in the park recently and he was weeping, as if really reflective about something, some earth shattering news. My only conclusion is that he finally got the message regarding how badly he's treated his son.
This shows that the best thing you can do to, you know, "drill it into your dad's skull" is keep talking to him about it. Do it creatively if it helps: send him letters covering what you want to tell him, tell him hypothetical stories and ask what he would do in the situation, then go "well that was me at x years old, and you did/said Y to me and it was terrible."
In regards to more distant people in your life - you have to assume their sin catches up with them. It seems to be the case for all sorts of peopls, and it weighs on their minds 24/7 and hurts them as much as they hurt you.
I don't understand the concept of killing yourself to spite your enemies. Your enemies would inherently be happy you're gone. If anyone loved you enough to be sad that you died, killing yourself just to hurt them is a dick move. It also makes zero sense at all. Usually people consider being loved as something to live for. I would never kill myself. I don't like giving my enemies good news.
Yep, absolutely - a great summarry,