this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 161 points 2 days ago (6 children)

I, too, always keep an open bottle of vodka in my car, accessible from the driver's seat. It's just common sense.

So when the cops stop you, you can take a swig right in front of them. Then they can't prove you were drunk before that and can't give you a DUI

[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 57 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Of course! You dont want to be fumbling around god knows where for that shit! Its unsafe.

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Exactly, that's why I keep it right next to my loaded pistol and bag of oxy

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 24 points 2 days ago (3 children)

It's embarrassing when you go for a shot of vodka and end up with a pistol barrel in your mouth instead.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

Classic Wednesday night.

[–] EvilHankVenture@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago

I was going to make a pun about Russian roulette with vodka or a bullet, but I realized vodka or bullet would still just be Russian roulette.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Happens all. The. Time.

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You can put it in a water bladder and strap it to the sun visor. Now you have a handy straw and then it's as simple as taking a sip whenever you feel your vision go unblurry

[–] Tehhund@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I promised to use this knowledge only for good.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I like to take a shot every time I see a black car, gets me ready for work in the morning. Obviously I don't drink and drive that would be dangerous, I wait until I'm traffic lights.

[–] masta_chief@sh.itjust.works 19 points 2 days ago

The vast majority of accidents are caused by sober drivers. Thank you for doing your part to keep our roads safe!

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 2 points 2 days ago

I also sit in the parking lot before a date just staring at people in the cars next to me.

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

A fifth of vodka, a loaded & unregistered pistol, a crack pipe, and a photo album of me walking by adorable dogs and not stopping to offer pets.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 2 points 2 days ago

Not offering pets

You might as well have a child in the trunk at that point, you monster.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No meth pipe? No videos of you putting kittens in dumpsters? Fucking amateur

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

I know. I’m slacking off. My bad.