II have thought about this off an on for a while, and decided I will talk more about it here since I haven't been able to find a more welcome place for someone who is considered spiritual and on the autistic spectrum. I'm not even sure what the right place is though as there are times I tend to feel lost in more ways than one and perhaps cut off when I get mistaken for an AI bot in a few places.
My story starts where I was born into a family with a Mormon Church ancestry, even though I wasn't actually connected to the Christian Church. I'm not going to go into religion here since I don't want this to turn into some religious argument. Anyway, when I was six or seven years old living in a house further away from my grandma's house, it seemed apparent that I was more connected to nature where I would watch water running along the ground in little rivers.
After my family had moved back closer to my grandma, I found myself going out into the woods behind her backyard almost every time I was visiting her and going to the stream back there to look at it. I remember during the time it seemed magical and mystical while I was exploring on the frozen marsh there in late fall and was looking at the twilight in the sky at sunset realizing I needed to head back to the house.
During one of the times I was out in those woods as a kid, I had encountered something that looked human that said "hey there' and I ran all the way back to the house scared not knowing what it is. Sometime after that, there was upheaval going on between my parents which may have been due to the time the chimney was blocked and the house was smoking up, I ended up being brought to my grandma's house with my siblings to spend the night. I have memories of wearing footed pajamas with the vinyl feet, but had developed holes in the feet for some reason. It was night and I could sense there is something out there.
When I was home again and it was sometime around late spring or summer, I had become interested in the Care Bears and while I was playing with brick blocks, wooden blocks, and large train tracks that were plastic from a riding train in the basement playroom, I was writing letters to Tender Heart Bear and leaving them in the kitchen window where they were being answered. I think it may have been because I was looking for a friend since I was friends with the neighbor girl Carrie before, but then she stopped being friends of me and my siblings weren't being kind to me either.
At some point, I was allowed to get this three foot tall Tender Heart Bear plush from Toys-r-Us after getting good grades in school, and it became my only friend. Sometime later, there was upheaval going on between my parents again and we ended up being forced to leave there and go on a cross country trip to Washington State. I couldn't bring much of anything with me and so I lost a number of things including my three foot Tenderheart Bears.
While I was in the van traveling by woodlands, I had this mystical sensation of something out there calling me to come back out into the woods for some reason and couldn't do anything while in a van. On top of that, I remember seeing the darkening sky and sensed some kind of mystical connection with the western sky for some reason as well, and this might be related to the feeling of being disconnected from nature and lost.
Years later, when I was back on the east coast and was living in a town house in northwest New Jersey after moving a couple more times, I recovered my three foot Tenderheart Bear and I also had a dream about seeing a white mouse who was named Heather in the backyard who was sad. She told me her husband was killed by a croaker while searching for one of the two greatest treasures in the world, and she was pointing to a steep grassy hill that appeared in the distance from the house as she continued saying one of the two greatest treasures lies just over that hill.
This may been related to where I used to live in Pennsylvania where there is a tree covered hill in a similar location from the front of the house, and over it is where my grandma's house is located. During that time, my mother had met someone who was having me forced to be going to a Christian Church and I really didn't seem at all comfortable with it, but thankfully I was no longer going there after she broke up with him. Sometime after that when I was beginning to look at Pagan and Druid stuff out of interest, I was visiting my grandma's house again thanks to my sister.
During a visit out there again, I was sensing this presence there and wasn't sure what it was even though it led to me having dreams about a fox. I ended up looking for help and was soon hooked up with a seer calling herself Yotewah and Coyote's Green Eyed Daughter, She also went by the name of Kikyo and I told her about the presence I felt at my grandma's house while showing her a sketch I did of a fox wearing blue clothing I had seen and remember from one of my dreams, and she astral traveled afterward to find that it is a fox boy called Kane.
A while after that and feeling like he is a friend I lost years ago at my grandma's house, I ended up with my getting someone to make me a custom Kane the Fox plush so I have something physical I can cuddle up to. Sometime after that, I had a dream about a girl outside the first townhouse I was moved to in Northwest New Jersey, and brought that up with the seer who found it was a fae girl named Lindsey who is an elf girl. She saw she was being chased by something dark and evil and took care of whatever it was. That later ended up with me having a custom plush I made of her using her description that I remembered,
When I started having a couple dreams about darkness out in the woods behind my grandma's house that may be related to what I saw out there when I was a kid, I told the seer about them and she had astral traveled there to cleanse the woods and my grandma's house. She told me there was some sort of guardian that she cleaned as they were being harmed by something that had the form of the Sprite from the Secret of Mana game.
After I had been moved out into a rural area with a yard that had some trees, I remember having a dream being in the yard there and could feel this pulling sensation. So I had contacted the seer about there and she found out there is a vortex and guardian there nearby. Then while I was back at my grandma's house and talking to her about Kane the Fox, she assumed it represented me due to having the Todd as one of my surnames. After I told her about the seer I had been talking to and showing her all the records that I kept, she had wanted to know her credentials even though she had not asked for money or anything in return. I later did that and ended up learning the seer was taught by the Elder of Serpentstone, it let to a little bit of an argument with her and I continued talking to the seer.
Not long after that, I had a dream about something pretending to be Kane that had a crescent moon on its cheek and I was uncomfortable. I also remember seeing an eclipse in the sky in the dream. After I had another dream where I could hear Kane calling for help, I contacted the seer and she looked into it and found that it was a Kane Pretender who trapped Kane away from me. She not only found and brought him back to me, but sealed the Kane Pretender away in an ice sphere of love and placed it in an ice glacier somewhere guarded by a dragon.
After that ordeal, I started having dreams again with Kane in them and was better. I continued having the dreams about him off and on as well as a few about Lindsey, and soon I had moved one last time into a house with a larger piece of property that included woods out back. Just after the move, I was feeling rather uncomfortable and had a couple dreams about fairies. I told the seer about this and after investigating, it turned out that I have fairies that are not only fond of me, but had been told the name of their queen. I continued having dreams about Kane and my grandma's house off an on and at some point, I have lost contact with the seer.
Some more years have passed and now I have been feeling worried and a little depressed (lately around the winter solstice when the days are short and no greenery to be seen outside other than bamboo, plus too cold to go outside). It may be due to the state of the world and things being forgotten and taken away leading to the feeling of them being lost, and the fact that recently I have been seeing trees dying off. It could also be the fear that I'm having on and off about emerging technologies such as artificial intelligence, the fear of an artificial super intelligence, and brain computer interfaces and stuff that are a threat to the innermost privacy of the mind, and there being too much change happening and autistic people cannot adapt to change well.
This could very well be because of my strong connection with the woodlands and there being decline of woodlands that is upsetting to me like I can feel the pain of what is happening to nature and to the fae folk. At this time, it seems I'm feeling so lost and so cut off since I haven't picked up much friends. There were also were attempts to get me back into the christian church and be cut off my attachments with the woods and the spiritual friends I have. When I first brought this up in a Pagan subreddit on Reddit, someone alerted Reddit Help Resources which I don't think if that was right as I wasn't even talking about committing suicide as its not quite that bad, and I'm not thinking that for that matter.
Right now, I have been thinking positively on what thinks can be talked about or done, and it feels like we need to bring back something like a Koala Kafe in the comforting woods to talk about stuff like this. I also keep thinking about the Last Mimzy movie where it feels like Gaia, the soul of our world, has become sick and people are becoming isolated and warlike (see what is happening to Ukraine and Israel), and our world is frightened and is dying. And has feeling like looking for a great scientist to try many times and is willing to try once more, this is the Last Lindsey (based from the elf girl with a strong affinity for the forests since she is of the forest). Her task feels like it would be teaching of how precious the woodlands are and saving them, as well as finding a soul not contaminated by the technological pollutants that fill our bodies and minds like our precious quality of humanity has been turned off, and it is said the soul's tears would contain an instruction for an awakening that would spread like wildflowers.
Anyway, sometimes I feel like we could use something like a Koala Kafe in a peaceful woodland place that is like being among the comforting koalas, even though they are listed as endangered in Australia and need our help. I also have lots of created characters and ideas and had been trying to work on a few stories, but I feel bringing them online in the wrong place will lead them being scraped by AI Bots and be used against me to make things worse. I'm just afraid whatever I create and write to give to be helpful would also end up be given to the elite few thanks to their AI bots. I feel that I currently need someone to talk to about this and figure out what the solution to this is.
