No Stupid Questions

not for political reasons so much as commerce reasons. you see, the universe was created by Big Universe to sell more universe

I love the reference :)

But, since this is a bit of a writing prompt rather than something that can be answered factually, allow me some self indulgence to cook something up. I don't plan to edit it beyond spelling and typos, it'll be freeform.

Back in the primordial nothing, so dark and empty that darkness was scared of that dark, non-existence was boring.

The formless void took a good look at itself in the mirror that was it's own non existent backside in what may be the greatest act of solipsism in history, and said "I need a friend".

This thought echoed throughout itself, and a ripple failed to spread through the nothingness by turning it into something that could ripple. Thus was regular darkness born.

Darkness and nothingness looked at each other. There was nothing to see, so they decided to grope each other instead. This led, as often is the case, to a lot of disappointment and some degree of carnal juices splattering.

Those juices took root, growing in the dark and the void, binding them together for eternity. The fruit of those twining vines of dark matter jizz created matter.

And, as you know, matter matters. Matter seeks other matter, and the vine flowered. It pollinated itself, creating an infinite array of fruit. Those fruit were what we might call gods. Forces like gravity, electricity, nuclear interactions, essences of the things that would later become storm and sun and moon and furtive masturbation under a blanket so your mom can't catch you, all the things we eventually worshiped.

Those original fruits were as incestuous as their forebears, banging off of each other until the first light arose from the darkness that birthed all.

Then they looked at themselves and realized they needed a bloody bath because you can't spend infinite moments of non-time fornicating without getting a little messy.

Thus, they decided to organize the previously idle matter into clouds and juggle them until the bits stuck together.

Stars were born. Stars exploded and reformed into more stars, and planets.

All those explosions generated the kind of places where oceans could form.

By that time, the early gods had kept fornicating until there were more gods than any universe needs, and they were all quite filthy.

So they went to the various water bearing planets and bathed. And had orgies.

What they didn't realize is that all the grime, jizz, and raw creative forces would turn the waters of some worlds into the nastiest, but most fertile soup ever imagined.

Those little jizz particles clung to each other, forming ever longer chains. Eventually, those chains met other chains and settled down to start families. Those families were the first cellular life forms.

Everything has been downhill since.

You may have heard that the "Donut shaped universe" theory has been picking up some steam, well one particular version of the theory speculates that the universe exists cyclically, basically that the universe expands to heat death, eventually begins to contract again, and a new big bang occurs once it compressed all the way back down to singularity size.

Basically, it was never created, it always has and will be, we just exist in the pocket of time in which it's fresh off of the latest explosive rebound, relative to the scale of time in which the full cycle plays out that is.

Saying the universe was created, implies a creator.

I assume it was just something that happened.

As much as I despise Scott Adams, I did think his thought experiment about a bored god blowing itself up to create the universe was kind of funny/clever. He probably stole it from some ancient mythos.

It might have been motivated by an insatiable hunger for donuts.

Not “created”, just a random event possibly.

Wow, some people clearly need to read more books. It's a reference.