Greentext

I'm married to a tinder girl now so say what you want about that but for me, it was fear of further social ostracization. I always struggled to fit in, in grade school because I was asian in a sea of white kids. Some kids were literally afraid to touch the "chinese boy" (i was korean but try telling that to rabid white elementary and middle school kids looking for any reason to other anyone). I became a huge people pleaser and tried not to stick out for any reason. I had also seen how the "popular" kids treated any of the geeks who tried to shoot their shot and I didn't want to fuck up any of the social capital I thought I had. It obviously got better in late high school as kids grew up but the damage was done. I had a few girlfriends in high school and college but they mostly came after me or we kind of just found ourselves getting close so there wasn't any formal "asking out" type of stuff. Either way I probably blew a lot of romantic opportunities but it is what it is.

I got a boy due in June so hopefully I can instill the confidence in him that I didn't have.

Is Anon talking out their ass with those stats, or is this actually true?

So many comments echoing "women told us to stop approaching us, so we did!"

I mean no offense, truly, but you missed the point if that's the message you took. It wasn't "Do not, under any circumstances, speak to a woman" it was, "if you shoot your shot and she's not interested, move on and don't make it weird. If she is at work, be very careful as customer service does not equal flirting." Yes, there are some grey areas (not sure even the best gentleman could slide up to a woman alone in a parking lot and not freak her out), but some of you are kicking up the board without even moving a piece. Stop pushing the narrative that only attractive men can speak to women. Not only are you assuming you're not attractive by saying that (which cannot be good for your confidence) , you're reducing women's feelings and concerns as being blindly shallow and unwarranted.

The world is not full of only beautiful people, yet people still live and love. Not to dismiss the difficulties (as an uggo myself, I get it), but you can get out there, I know you can.

This thread is an example of why men aren’t dating.

“I’ve had painful lived experiences and faced unbalanced and unfair expectations, so I’ve decided dating isn’t worth my time right now”

“You’re an incel”

It doesn’t really matter what you say, it’s the fact that you said it as a man that will garner disrespect from some regardless.

For any free time I manage to get, dating is so far down the list of what to spend it on. Time is a premium in my life. Couple that with my past experiences dating as well as terrible stories from coworkers/friends. It’s not how I want to spend my time anymore. That’s my short answer. The longer one is more depressing but there are reasons dating just isn’t a priority for me.

Third places

A lot of people in this thread are talking about how much women suck because of X, Y, Z. But like... have you tried not dating shitty women? Or at least not getting so hung up on a woman who treats you poorly? Yeah, it sucks to be treated badly, but consider that you just dodged a bullet. You don’t need women like that in your life. Find a woman you actually connect with, someone you share interests with, not just someone you want to sleep with.

Two hard truths a lot of single men need to reckon with:

1: Most people are kind of shitty, and therefore, most women are kind of shitty. I could go on about how consumer culture and social media encourage toxic traits, but the fact of the matter is you should focus on not being a shitty person yourself, and you shouldn’t settle for shitty people either.

2: With number one in mind, you need to broaden your horizons regarding what kind of woman you’re attracted to. Porn and social media have rotted our brains when it comes to attraction. Maybe I’m just pervy, but honestly, I can find something attractive in just about everyone. 90% of people are at least a 7/10 if they put in some effort, and a 7/10 who you truly vibe with is better than a 10/10 who treats you like shit. And trust me, when you form a true romantic connection with someone, they become even more attractive in your eyes.

There are good, beautiful women out there, I know because I’m marrying one. We met online, and she’s one of the kindest and smartest people I’ve ever met, and I find her more beautiful than anyone else in the world. And I’m a fat, impoverished, autist. If I can do it, so can you.

I'm 41 now but I haven't gone on a date-date in 3 years or so. The TL;DR online dating is absolutely not worth participating in. Neither is speed dating, and people are isolating more and more.

I'm not wildly attractive but I'm not unattractive either. I'm probably like a 6 or a 7. I think I'm interesting and can hold a reasonable conversation. I'm intelligent. I've been told I'm funny (sometimes). I am a bit clumsy sometimes though. I've been in two long term (3+ years) relationships in my life but one of those relationships ended due to alcohol (we mutually sucked at the time), and the other due to financial reasons. Both hurt pretty deep when they ended and I didn't date for a couple years after either of those.

In the time that I wasn't feeling some form of loss from relationships that meant something, I tried online dating. I tried OkCupid, Bumble, PlentyOfFish, some bullshit regarding a bagel, Tinder, match.com, etc. I probably tried any of them that were active at the time. Not once did it ever amount to a relationship, in probably 15 years of using those sites off and on. I've unquestionably had more bad experiences than good. 9 out of 10 dates are bad. 1 ouf of 10 are ok. The worst time I recall was when a woman drugged me after our date. Another bad time I can recall, my date showed up on drugs or drunk or just incredibly stupid or something. She racked up a $110 bar tab during our 30 minute meet and greet and dipped out without saying anything at all or paying the bill. I was once catfished (is it catfishing when it's just straight up someone else's picture, or does it have to be your own picture doctored up / photoshopped to be considered catfishing?) by a co-worker on Bumble. I've been stood up for a first date at three or four times. I've been cancelled on an hour or two before a date at least 15 times.

The last time I had an online date, everything seemed to be going fine, we had a drink at the first bar, established that we seemingly got along, went on a walk around downtown, check out a show and then all of a sudden I'm being told about a sex kit that she purchased from a vending machine while I was in the bathroom that she wants to try out. I thought she was pretty cool before that. I wasn't 100% sure if I was attracted to her, but I knew we at least got along on a person-to-person level. Telling me about a sex kit like that on the first date was a "eh, hard pass" for me. Women have either been fully uninterested in me; or so interested in me that I find it repulsive.

Speed dating is also, completely shit; and it's a scam. The first time I tried speed dating, it was some website where you pick your city, your age range, and then what event you'd want to attend based on your other parameters. They take your money, and then send you an email a day before the event saying the event is cancelled because they couldn't get enough people, but you cannot have a refund either. Then you attempt to re-schedule and it gets cancelled a second time for the same reason, then a third. Finally - you attend one of these things in person, end up getting "3 matches" emailed to you, and then you attempt to make contact and never hear from anyone ever again.

I felt like a complete horses' ass when I attempted to do speed dating a second time 12 years later and had a very similar experience. This second time around though, I did a charge back on my credit card after the 3rd cancellation because "they couldn't get enough people to attend." Thanks for nothing Troy.

After soooo many bad experiences, and never having any success with what are the now conventional methods, and coming to the realization that I'm likely halfway dead now... I feel like I have a trauma response to the idea of dating at this point. I'd still like to be in a happy relationship, but even thinking about trying the methods I've tried in the past one more time causes me anxiety.

I'm introverted by nature, and as of 7 months ago, I live alone in a state, where I also work remotely from home and know no one. When I first got here, I tried a few events from Meetup.com thinking, "hey, maybe this is how 40-year-olds make friends," but didn't enjoy anything that I went to, other than the events where people sit in an audience quietly and watch someone else on stage. I found a really cool thing that I like attending where anyone is welcome to get up on stage and tell an 8 minute story about pretty much anything - fact or fiction. I really enjoy attending these, but it's no way to meet people. The epidemic in question is absolutely not just about dating. It's about making friends too.

I imagine I'm not alone in my experiences.

I think a lot of men are just satisfied staying home playing their video game of choice while wanking it or using online apps for hookups.

Dating is a lot of work.

People in this thread are fucking wild... In college, and before I met my wife, I'd just get fucking trashed at house parties and then try to hit on anything with a pulse. Now, I'm not some "lady's man," and I didn't pull them all, but it definitely worked well enough to get me laid when I wasn't dating someone.

Shocker - never maced or reported for sexual assault?

I don't know what the problem is there but I can say Im stretched too thin. I once went on Prozac and it completely changed my energy levels for a time. Unfortunately, the effects wore off within a year and everything was a slog again. It just sucks to know what it feels like to have excess energy and all the dopamine that comes with it only to go back to critically low levels.

The end of the day the amount of time I would need to sort all my shit out is just not afforded to me. So I go with incremental improvements and the way things are, the world is getting shittier faster than I'm getting better.

I started dating my wife when we were both in high school so I'm lucky that I never had to try to start dating in my 20s. But when I was in high school asking out a girl was as simple as walking up and saying "do you want to go out with me?"

I asked out girls that I KNEW there was a 99% chance they'd say no, but I asked anyways. The worst they ever said was "no". Nobody ever laughed in my face or told all their friends or spread rumors about me, they just said no thank you and I moved on.

This was like 2009-2013 mind you; I think young people are a lot more cruel now than they were then.

VR porn and furry conventions

Disclaimer: I'm not 18-25.

I have a ton of women friends (more than men ATM) and have solid evidence that I am a significantly attractive man. I'm also bi so my options are a tad more broad than average.

Even with this I can say that dating is unpleasant and I have never asked for one and barely do them (women are rarely bold enough to be the initiator). It feels like a socially awkward job interview where I have to spend money I don't have and I fucking hate job interviews.

Admittedly, I also am autistic, socially anxious, and sexually repressed (American sex culture sucks).

Who are these "women" they mention? Some new human-like species?

Well, there was a time when women were THE thing making men happy. In modern age, we have computers.

Damn, I thought I was the only basement dweller

We are to broke to spend $10 on a beer and $10 on Frenchfries at a bar.

It's free to post a dick Pic on grindr and have a guy deliver himself to your basement to give you the most enthusiastic blow job of your life.

I just got divorced at 30 after 7 years and I'm probably not going to get involved with a woman again. I'm not interested in having kids because the world is ending so it's essentially a no win situation unless someone can change my mind on this.

Had a crush on one of my friends for years and she wasn't interested even when I got divorced. Till I bought my house and now she wants in on my life.

I'm not saying all women are bad but I just don't see the risk being worth it. My ex wife ruined my life after many years of happiness.

There are a lot of positives being in a relationship but way more negatives. I'm just happier alone.

Tbh playing Magic the Gathering or Warhammer 40k with random dudes at a hobby store is cheaper and more fun than most traditional dates I've been on.