this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 4 points 45 minutes ago

Your best chance to kill a gorilla in a fight is probably to move so much air around him that he catches a f*cking cold and dies from it. If you don't actually touch him you may even have a non-0 survival chance as he ignores you.

[–] BigBenis@lemmy.world 1 points 9 minutes ago

This made me think of that time my partner's brother told me in complete earnest that he'd be able to jump off a skateboard going 20+ mph and run it out based solely off the fact that the fastest recorded human running speed is 28 mph and therefore he, an average fit 20 y.o. should be able to achieve 75% of that.

[–] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 1 points 11 minutes ago

That would be how to do it. Humans have pretty good endurance as far as animals go. And gorrilas have pretty terrible punching technique and waste a lot of energy on those shitty downward over head swings that are pretty telegraphed.

My money will still be on the gorilla though unless you ad a few more people

[–] mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 2 hours ago

if it wasn't so unethical towards the animals, i would love to let those people go for it.

Could only improve the human gene pool.

[–] Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works 13 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I'd fight a gorilla, and win.

It would be a gun fight, from a distance, but a fight none-the-less, and I guarantee you, I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I've seen a chimp with an AK.

I wouldn't want to fight a gorilla with a PKM.

[–] Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Pshhh, those idiots gave that chimp the ak and then stood right there making a scene of it, the chimp happened to decide to pull on the trigger and the gun started firing off randomly. None of them got shot either. That gorilla is fucked.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 1 points 10 minutes ago

Chimps chimp out, they're chumps.

Gorillas are more deliberate.

[–] RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

The gorilla will rip his arms off and beat him to death with them before he even attempts to dodge it.

[–] Asswardbackaddict@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

I wanna be a gorilla field researcher. They're cool. I saw a video where a wildlife photographer was following a gorilla too close, and you're like, "that animal is fuck this guy up", right? Nah. The gorilla punches him in the face and keeps walking.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 9 points 6 hours ago

Is thisnJoe Rogan

[–] scathliath@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 6 hours ago

Google how much force do I have to give to the dome of a gorilla in punching to give him a debilitating concussion?

[–] Hugin@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I got dunk and decide I could beat a brick wall in a fist fight once.

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

And then you were introduced to the term boxer's fracture...

[–] Hugin@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago

Nah I had good friends with me.

[–] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 41 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 18 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

nah but anon is built different

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 8 points 5 hours ago

Yes, wrong mostly.

Especially in the head department.

[–] KinglyWeevil@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 8 hours ago (13 children)

If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 6 points 7 hours ago

It would at least give LiveLeak a reason to return.

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[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 4 points 5 hours ago

Sure, like a baby gorilla that has just been born and has been removed from the mother.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 28 points 8 hours ago (7 children)

Apparently gorillas are about 5 times stronger than a chimp, and I've seen what a chimp can do to a person.

Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don't find us the slightest bit threatening.

[–] Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

Well don't leave us hanging what do the chimps be doing to em??

[–] nomy@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 hours ago

Rip their arms, face, and genitals off, then leave you suffering.

Chimps are fucking brutal and absolutely terrifying.

[–] RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Gorilla's will literally tear you to pieces.

[–] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 11 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (2 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/primatology/comments/11nqwsa/how_strong_are_chimpanzees_compared_to_humansalso/
Just putting this here because chimpanzees, while strong, aren't THAT strong. A big strong male human is stronger than a big strong male chimpanzee.
A gorilla of course would tear any person apart like tissue paper.

[–] CheeseNoodle@lemmy.world 9 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

Yeh what chimps got on humans is they go from zero to ripping your face off in 0 seconds flat, humans either require a lot of buildup to get that pissed or some kind of drug.

Florida man has entered the enclosure.

[–] wetbeardhairs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 7 hours ago

Apparently it is an instinctive way that chimps fight. First they gouge your eyes so you can't defend yourself. Then bite your hands so you can't attack. Then they rip off your genitals because fuck you that's why.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 8 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

Years of martial arts training can give you this ability too, i mean, anon gonna be killed, but he won't hesitate

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

Idk about you, but I hesitate to get myself killed.

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[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 21 points 9 hours ago

Gorillas' bones and muscles are way beyond anything this guy could ever experience in his 7 years of fighting idiots. I say idiots because they fight for money and fame, not for survival as a gorilla would. Jesus, their butt probably has more muscle mass than this guy's whole body. BTW, no homo.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 8 points 8 hours ago

Gorilla proceeds to pull his arms and legs off his body, and slap him a bit with his own arms before returning to breakfast.

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