Home Automation

This question belongs in r/relationships I think.

I had the desire for cameras inside and outside cause live in not the worst but not the greatest area. My SO had no real issues with it so we went for it. A few weeks later I noticed myself going into a deep state of depression and it took me a while to realize that the inside cameras was making me very uneasy, feeling like I was being watched. Being a veteran with PTSD there were likely other things that contributed and made the matter even worse but really I felt like I wasn’t even living in my own home. I started tip-toeing, opening/closing doors slowly, and being as quiet as possible just for example. In retrospect this all feels a little dramatic but beforehand I never considered any of that being a possibility and it ended up making me feel a way I didn’t like of course. You need to talk with (not “at”) your SO about what they want and why they want it and then express your concerns whether that’s your feelings, emotions, safety, and/or something different with your SO. Discuss how there could be impacts not yet realized too. There is compromise here if some level of psychological safety is practiced on both ends.

See a counselor together. There’s obviously something causing a trust issue, and it’s probably completely minor. A counselor can help you sort it out. My wife and I saw one years ago and it was awesome. We’re on a great path now but often I wish we still saw one with some regularity.

Your analogy about the phone is spot on. You’re not doing anything wrong but do you really want someone seeing your search history about “how long do hemorrhoids last?” Hell nah.

I have found great relief being able to remotely connect and make sure things are 'OK'. For example, we were away during a tornado. Another time, my hot water heater leak alarm went off, I was able to log in and verify that it was a false alarm.

Out of respect for my partner, I keep the mics off, unless I specifically turn them on to check.

I understand OPs hesitations.

I have done the following

• camera firmwares have been tweaked and are now local only and stream to my Home Server and all other access from other devices is blocked
• external access only via VPN. No Apps, no cloud etc
• notifications are sent over the cloud but hold only an alert, no Screenshots
• cameras are turned off when me or my partner are within 100m of our home. I did this with a simple USB switch so the cameras are getting no power at all.
• persistent notifications Camera On on different devices.
• using a good Firewall and a SIEM to monitor devices, traffic and access.

Maybe OP would be OK with a similar setup. I had wanted to use cams for presence and person detection but my partner vetoed that pretty quick.

Outside only I reckon. No need, unless you are away on holiday. Otherwise set it up so it turns off when you are home and only comes on when you leave, so it’s a security camera then. Why does he want it?

Hahaha someone is cheating 😭

For what?

Just ask lol

Also because I'm curious, what brand? Does it work with any existing automation or security systems you have?

I love singing annoyingly when I’m alone.

He won't see unless he goes through all of the clips which would take forever

for outside of house it be good but y he need inside of living room ?/

For some reason the vendors seem to really push interior cameras. I personally don’t want that either (excluding things like a baby monitor). Maybe he has just bought into the add that it will somehow keep your family safer? It is easier for sure.

Have you discussed it at all? Just say you wouldnt want to see yourselves online somewhere if you get hacked. I assume it is ring or wyze or blink or similar….

Offer alternative. Like exterior door cam or something if he’s being protective.

It sounds like you're getting some extra sauce on your Taco and he just wants to make aure

Yeah this would be a hard no from me. People need privacy sometimes. Partners need to respect each other's privacy. It's super fucked up to assume that being in a relationship means your partner doesn't get to have private time or personal space.

talk to him?

sounds like you’re just looking for someone to tell you to be offended and that you’re correct. it’s kinda weird, not really the place for that

My sister does it so she can keep an eye on her autistic son, and just gives her peace of mind when she’s not home. She doesn’t live in a really crime heavy area, either.

I would ask him what his thoughts are behind this before any conclusions on his intent! You can still act like normal in your own home, but you never know in todays world when a camera could come in handy around the home.

I am a professional CCTV installer and I would recommend against this.

Consumer grade home tech products are way too easy to hack (there are a few darknet diaries episodes about this but a quick Google will show you plenty of examples)

In the rare occasion that we install cameras indoors, we generally wire their video feed via the intruder alarm which means when the alarm is unset (i.e you're at home) - the camera is off. Not just 'not being watched' but completely powered down and disconnected from everything.

I work in the industry and I wouldn't have one inside.

It would be interesting to know why he wants one, there may be other solutions for him...

I always figured all parties need to be OK with where cameras can record. Anybody gets to veto and they don't have to justify it.

My partner wasn't cool with a camera in the garage. Seemed weird to me but whatever, camera was removed.

The "What do you have to hide?" thing is annoying. You don't have to justify why, when, where you want privacy. It's your home, you should feel entirely safe and comfortable there.

There are cameras with lids that open physically, so the view is blocked when it’s off. When it’s open, it means the camera is on.

So if you allow a camera in your living space, look for one with a lid

There is no way I would agree to that.

“What do I have to hide? Insecurities, same as any other person who would feel the need to put up an indoor camera in their shared living space.”

Did this for super accurate presence detention (using frigate) and running automatons. But neither I nor my wife were even vaguely bothered about the very remote chance that someone would go to the trouble of hacking the camera and watch us having sex or walking around naked.

I have cameras inside of my home. Entrance, living space, bedroom.

I also live by myself, and use the cameras to check up on my pup when I’m not home.

But, they do give me peace of mind when I’m away. I’ll get an alert if the system detects a person (can exclude pets).

If I was living with my significant other, that’s definitely an adult conversation to have. I would appreciate their feelings.

Compromise? If you’re away, cameras can be on. If you’re home, cameras should be off. He should also give you full access to the live feed AND recording history. He should also show you how to take the cameras offline.

my wife requested cams in the home. they are in the Kitchen, the attached garage, and in the lower hall pointed at the back patio door.

she checks them from the car via the VPN if the house looks odd when she gets home.

we both travel alot.

these are all Axis cameras, running to a dedicated machine in the mechanical room. we're running a dedicated Untangle firewall to deter intrusions on the network.

This is the wrong subreddit for this. You need to talk to your husband and probably marriage counselling. This is gaslighting from your husband for your very valid concern.

We have cameras all over our house. But, whenever anyone is home, they have no power. We physically cut the power to all cameras.

We use the cameras for monitoring our home while away, mainly to detect fires or water leaks.

About a week ago my dad was worried my brother threw a jar of jam at him. I took a look at the footage of our security camera in the footage and it turned out he dropped it at his desk. Because of my father is mental condition he did not receive the jar existing until after it would have hit the floor.

It was good to know my brother didn't actually do something like that and come more comforting for my dad.

I don't mind security cameras in one's home. Just don't give the police access to them because they'll spy on you. Nest cameras and all that other stuff is garbage.

We had cameras at my last house. We had a couple inside that covered all the external doors. Do you think he's doing this to spy on you? I never once did that with ours.

I’m going to install one but it’ll be physically off unless I’m not home. It’s only for vacation and trips away. I do mean physically unplugged.

It’s not about what you have to hide. I do not want to watch myself. Not when I’m making Dino noises making espresso. Not when I do something strange like trip over my own feet. Nope hard pass.

I think you should both talk ,openly, about your concerns . The pro’s and con’s and such.

Why are you asking strangers on the internet if you should be offended? You either are or you aren’t, and only you can answer that. Also, as others have said TALK TO EACH OTHER! Express how it makes you feel, ask why he feels it’s necessary.

Keeping your true thoughts and feelings from each other isn’t really the basis for a partnership of strength and makes it very hard to work through your problems if nobody is actually being honest with the other person or themselves.

Who are we to tell you if you should or shouldn't be. Ask your husband if you should be offended.

Have the uncomfortable conversation. If you guys can't have a conversation about it then the camera is the least of your problems.

And yeah I know people change in a marriage I've been married for 15 years and we still change. But God damn it if I don't talk about it to her. Let's get this straight, if you're doing something I have a problem with, I'm coming straight to you and we're going to hash it out. I'm not going to my friends about it unless I want validation and I'm certainly not going to strangers.

Maybe it's just me, but my primary concern with this is actually the child. I don't think it's wise to video a child in their own home, they aren't an adult and cannot consent. There are SO many things wrong with husband wanting to do this, but the one thing that sticks out is the kiddo.

Motion detector at best.

Why the hell are you asking social media if you should offended by something?

Nah! Cameras outside sure but inside nope unless it’s to monitor children or pets. When I go out I power up a couple of cameras to keep check on my dog.

Honestly, that's a post for r/relationships or r/aita ..

I'm a guy that also wants cameras in our apartment. My only real reason is because I like tech and just thinks it's cool. And maybe to capture some funny moments that you didn't have time to record when they happened.

If you are arguing a lot and having burst of anger moments maybe he wants to record it as a proof.

I personally don't see an issue whit a proper security setup in home with exclusion to bedrooms. But end of the day, you don't need to ask strangers if you should be offended, thank to your men.

In a former house, the ground floor was an open common area. We didn’t walk around naked down there because lots of windows. In addition to the cameras outside, I did put one in that ground floor space for a few reasons:

1. Check in on pets.
2. Bit of paranoia while traveling, like I’d want to check in once every day or two and make sure I didn’t see a raging fire.
3. We had a cleaning service come in once a week with a frequently rotating crew, and having a visible camera in the house works as a small deterrent against shenanigans.

The indoor camera was set to never, ever record. I figured if we ever had a break-in the alarm would go off and I could connect and start recording as evidence. It never came up, fortunately.

More to your point, though, if my wife had ever breathed a word of concern or discomfort that the camera was to watch her, it would have come down immediately and we would have been having a talk to figure out why she worried I’d do that, because to me that’s a question of trust in the relationship, and it’s best to sort that out on all sides. Like, if I want to know what somebody close to me is doing and don’t think I can get the information I need by just asking them, that’s a much bigger problem that can’t be solved by adding ways to gather information without their cooperation.

As a cat owner, I like having a camera so I can see what the sound was without getting up. I’m also bed bound so I use it to see what’s going on. It helps me feel like part of the house. It’s helpful for my ptsd to confirm that there is indeed no invaders. I think there’s lots of good reasons to have a camera inside but YOUR needs and privacy are important, too. Knowing the reason he needs the camera could help you compromise. It’s unreasonable of him to deflect and accuse you. It’s normal to want privacy in your home!

In a former house, the ground floor was an open common area. We didn’t walk around naked down there because lots of windows. In addition to the cameras outside, I did put one in that ground floor space for a few reasons:

1. Check in on pets.
2. Bit of paranoia while traveling, like I’d want to check in once every day or two and make sure I didn’t see a raging fire.
3. We had a cleaning service come in once a week with a frequently rotating crew, and having a visible camera in the house works as a small deterrent against shenanigans.

The indoor camera was set to never, ever record. I figured if we ever had a break-in the alarm would go off and I could connect and start recording as evidence. It never came up, fortunately.

More to your point, though, if my wife had ever breathed a word of concern or discomfort that the camera was to watch her, it would have come down immediately and we would have been having a talk to figure out why she worried I’d do that, because to me that’s a question of trust in the relationship, and it’s best to sort that out on all sides. Like, if I want to know what somebody close to me is doing and don’t think I can get the information I need by just asking them, that’s a much bigger problem that can’t be solved by adding ways to gather information without their cooperation.

I think that the POV shots are much better

I have cameras inside my home and want to share something really personal and important about where this came in VERY helpful to have recording all the time.

Inside our home, we have cameras covering all the living spaces: hallway, lounge, home office, kitchen, dining & upper floor landing.

It was part security, part pet monitoring when at the office that it was originally done inside as well as out.

We do not geofence cut power or recording at any time.

Not long after getting it installed on a lovely weekend day, my (then) 14 year old daughter got up in the morning and came down the stairs. The dog had been unwell and so we had an old baby gate across the stairs to stop him moving to the carpeted areas of the house. It wasn't fixed in place, just an obstruction for the dog.

My daughter decided to climb over this rather than move it, slipped and fell.

I won't go into details, but she required an emergency ambulance to accident & emergency and needed surgery to repair significant tissue damage.

Now, I don't know if you have ever taken a teenage girl to A&E with genital mutilation before, but the staff there ask you lots of questions, repeating them OVER AND OVER. This is because they have a duty of care to ensure that YOU are NOT ABUSING this or other children.

My partner however retrieved the footage of the fall happening and sent it onto me and I was able to show this footage to staff. IMMEDIATELY they stopped asking me what happened.

If you have cameras at home and currently set them to not record/switch off when home, I highly recommend changing that setting.

Noooope. I hate being recorded. My partner lets me know when she's video calling someone so I can stay out of the room she's in, because I do not want to be on camera. I would never agree to cameras inside our home, and she would never push it either.

Ive considered putting a camera inside our apartment, one pointing at the balcony door and one to the front door. But if I decided I wanted to go ahead, the first person i would ASK would be my wife, and if she had reservations on either, then it would be a no go.

Cameras facing inside a living area, nah, our home is a safe space, we should be able to goof off and not worry about it ending up anywhere.

Hard no, and yes you should be offended.