Ah yes, Kool-Aid Man. On the intro screen, he bursts through a brick wall—and if you're going to make a game about Kool-Aid Man, that's mandatory.

If Kool-Aid Man doesn't crash through something at the start, is it even a Kool-Aid Man game? (No. It’s not.)

Now the goal here is simple: protect the precious Kool-Aid from what I can only describe as sentient bombs with straws. They’re called Thirsties, which sounds like the name of a failed emo band, but whatever. These little creeps try to slurp up all your Kool-Aid—which is weird, because I thought drinking the Kool-Aid was the entire point of Kool-Aid.

Anyway, you’ve got to wait until they actually start drinking before you slam into them. Do it too early and nothing happens. Wait too long and they tap you first, sending you careening across the screen like a sentient bowling ball. Bonus tip: don’t touch the walls either, because apparently the Kool-Aid Man is so full of juice that the slightest touch make him bounce.

People like to blame games like this for the Great Video Game Crash. But I say no way. This game has charm. It's got bounce (literally). It's got bright colors. It’s got Kool-Aid Man yelling "OH YEAH!" like he just snorted a line of Pixy Stix. Okay, he doesn't literally do this, but in my head canon, he does.

Sure, this is advertising. But so was Cool Spot for the SEGA Genesis, and most people agree that game was pretty darn good too. So cut Kool-Aid Man some slack. He may be a glass-bodied corporate shill, but by god, he’s our glass-bodied corporate shill.

Oddly, this was made by Mattel Electronics for their M Network imprint, which they used for systems that weren't published for Intellivision. In this case, Kool-Aid Man was an Atari 2600. And I don't understand why this game wasn't available for Mattel's own console. Was Kool-Aid Man too cool for those dweebs who played Intellivision?

We may never know. But one thing’s for sure: Kool-Aid Man definitely belonged on the Atari.