this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2025
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[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 5 points 2 hours ago

Gazelle 3: I'm sick of this. We should empower somebody to act, who's allowed to do that kind of stuff, but only to the bad animals, who aren't allowed to do the bad stuff.

Gazelle 4: Who wants to volunteer?

the herd: ...

Hyena: I'll do it! I love fucking shit up! I should be allowed to do it, for the sake of the herd!

Hyenas: Fuck yeah! Let's go!

Gazelle 3: Does anyone else want to volunteer?

Herd: ...

Gazelle 5: I guess I could do it.

Hyenas: Fuck yeah! Welcome to the pack! Just so you know though, if you try to stop or question our ways, you'll be gutted as a traitor.

Gazelle 5: Um... Maybe I don't want to join, actually.

Hyenas in uniforms: Give us your fucking shell, tortoise! Civil forfeiture! Fuck yeah! Or we'll kill you!

Gazelle 6: Hey! You're not allowed to do that!

Gazelle 7: We should set up a group that's allowed to do things like that, but only to stop those who do things like that.

Gazelle 6: Any volunteers?

[–] JPAKx4@lemmy.blahaj.zone 68 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

That's cursed, turtles and tortoises shells are a part of their body, with nerve endings and the like, so they cannot come out of their shell.

Completely by coincidence we had a tortoise in our garage today!

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

"Nerve endings and the like"? Their spines and ribs are literally part of the shell!

Please do show us the tortie, though 😁

[–] drosophila@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, a tortoise can't come out of its shell any more than a human can come out of their rib cage.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

"Let's get you out of that spine and ribcage and into something more comfortable, ma‘m"

-- excerpt from my upcoming psychosexual mystery novel The Butler Did It Weirdly

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

What’s more comfortable than my own little bone garage?

Death, I guess? 🤷

[–] JPAKx4@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 19 hours ago (1 children)
[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 41 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

What else do you expect?

From childhood everyone gets drilled in their skull that whenever a situation arises they need to call an adult or the authorities and to never handle it themselves.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 11 points 20 hours ago

And when that doesn't work they pray to God and hope for karma...

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 42 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 6 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I'm not sure what country this is supposed to be but it wouldn't be the USA.

If it was the USA, the cops that showed up would arrest the tortoise for disturbing the police.

[–] FenrirIII@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Or shoot them

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 21 hours ago

The UN, ICC, and ICJ: