Sounds to me like you're asking for a michelin rated meal at McDonalds.
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That’s good to know! I’m slowly learning about the home lab space so any feedback and expectation leveling is greatly appreciated!
I started out with a RPI, but the hardware needs of my use cases quickly outgrew what the rpi4 8gb could provide for processing power, video decoding, system memory and connectivity. It was still a great way of discovering which services I wanted to host as well as what hardware I'd need for them, for a relatively low cost. I'd say go for it, but keep in mind that it may not be enough in the long run
start by reading the forum.
I don't think it's realistic to find something low energy, easy to setup and cheap. I wouldn't go with a Pi 5 as I don't think it will do everything you are hoping for. I would look at a used SFF desktop and chuck in more memory and a few SSDs. That wouldn't cost a lot and has a lot of potential.