this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] bassad@jlai.lu 39 points 2 weeks ago

Seems like a trubute to the "morning routine" from american psycho

[–] hedge_lord@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Meanwhile:

>wake up
>shoot myself full of estrogen
>tea
>shower
>brush my teeth
>go get pizza (yum) 

Simple as

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

instruction unclear, only got estrogen and coffee. what do?

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 points 2 weeks ago

Instructions unclear, only carried out the first four words

[–] Fullonturkeydog@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Your pizza is in the mail just wait calmly and purr a little while you're waiting

[–] slothrop@lemmy.ca 26 points 2 weeks ago

Vanity is dehumanizing.

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

It'll be such a massive and catastrophic crash when the body can no longer handle the stress.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

He's taking selenium!? Is he trying to kill himself?

[–] kungen@feddit.nu 7 points 2 weeks ago

Selenium toxicity can give symptoms like hair loss and fatigue. But he's taking finasterid and minoxidil, as well as a large dose of caffeine, so the problem is solved!

[–] duckythescientist@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's a necessary micronutrient

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And his hair is shiny and dandruff free!

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I vaguely remember the final 15 minutes that movie, it was about some tentacle anus alien and selenium was its poison, right?

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 2 points 2 weeks ago
[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] mech@feddit.org 24 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago

It starts with questionable stuff, and ends on fucking Ketamine. Bravo. Yep, that is a perfectly healthy routine.

Also, pro tip, don't mess with your hormones (like testosterone) just to get more gains. There are many "body-builders" who have fried their hormone system and have to rely on permanent medication to function.

[–] deathbird@mander.xyz 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's a little cliche, but just try loving yourself, you know?

[–] mech@feddit.org 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 2 weeks ago

Your hands don't lie 😏

[–] kungen@feddit.nu 4 points 2 weeks ago

Dysin? Did he mean Desoxyn (methamphetamine), or is the guy popping vacuum cleaners?

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 2 weeks ago

anon ain't doing enough to stand out in the dating market

[–] kat_angstrom@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

But like, why?

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

creatine you only take 4 x 5g when in your loading phase which lasts a week, then it's 3g for maint or just 3g a day for maint which will get you to saturation anyway but takes about 3-4 weeks

https://creatine.wiki/w/Creatine_Usage/Creatine_for_Beginners#content-recommended-dosage

fish oil good for you

the others I'm not gonna touch

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Quit using drugs to min/max. Life isn't a video game. Just go to the gym or do stuff outside. The rest is just capitalism doing what it does, trying to sell you shit you don't need.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Quit using drugs to min/max

Why?

trying to sell you shit you don’t need

It's science bro, if it helps improve your life why wouldn't you do it?

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It doesn't improve your daily life any more than regular exercise does

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago

i do that too :)

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Reminds me of the monster gym bros that Anatoly casually matches. Thought it was fake at first! Nope, he's a legit powerlifter under that janitor's uniform.

[–] damo_omad@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Loading phase is also a myth. Just take your recommended dose every day

[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

How about simply waking up and cursing whatever entity or cosmological force made this hell world?

[–] Gnugit@aussie.zone 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

4 eggs!? Fuck that, i can barely handle two in a day without becoming a stinking gas leak.

[–] BreakerSwitch@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Reminds me of that greentext of the guy who was eating exclusively egg whites and nothing else

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I mean, those ingredients to that meal he has, that sounds good, maybe once or twice a month, if you throw in some kind of fairly large helping of fibrous greens to go along with it, maybe drop half the eggs...

But yeah the rest of this is insane, dude's gonna end up roiding out within a year or two, balls will shrivel, then onto some kind of harder drugs or serious hallucinogens, which will likely reveal to him that he just is a howling void of insecurity, probably won't end well.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Since when has sleeping counted as fasting?

[–] mech@feddit.org 18 points 2 weeks ago

Why do you think it's called breakfast?

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 weeks ago

since they decided to call it breakfast, i guess

[–] Pat@feddit.nu 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Meanwhile, my Grandma's been smoking cigs for a damn long time, and she's kicking around, around 80 y/o. You don't need to go this hard.

[–] mech@feddit.org 3 points 2 weeks ago

I'd bet smoking is healthier than that pill stack.