You could host your own instance, that way you're completely in control. I'm also doing that, just because I don't want people(mods, owners) to decide for me who I interact with or not.
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I'm probably "technical enough" to do that, but I've heard that from that point on I'm managing my own infosec- is that the case?
Yes, but It's pretty hands off since 99% of security stuff is managed for you by the Lemmy software, including rate limiting. Just make sure you use a secure password and if you want put the instance behind cloudflare which is super easy to do.
Is it as easy as "create instance" or does it involve setting up a server and other cloud based software?
it is not that easy.. you do need to understand the basics of the underlying systems (server/network/storage), and then be able to keep them up to date and running. and then there are the costs associated with it.. i think with a stripped down lemmy you could get it runnin for maybe 10$/month.
That's not too far off the mark, It cost me about $20 AU so probably $15 US. I could get cheaper if I wanted to host further from home (I'm happy with a AU host for my New Zealand instance)
If the instance defederates, users do not have an option to interact with the defederated instance anymore. The only choice you have then is to join an instance where the moderation policy agrees with your values or host your own instance. If you just want to see if defederation was the right idea, you could just visit those instances directly and look at their local timeline.
You can just go to that instance's webpage and view their frontpage. It's worth noting that NSFW posts are often hidden without an account though, so if an instance was defederated for NSFW content it might not be obvious why.