Mental Health

I'm not the suicidal type, so I won't pretend to know the dread you're dealing with. That being said, to me, rock bottom is less of a temptation to leave, but a temptation to change drastically. You could absolutely just jump off a bridge, but afterward there's no other choice to make, no change is possible. Instead, why not take the chance to do literally anything else? Try living in a forest. Try breaking into buildings. Try walking to a warmer climate. Try to start a cult. Try being a vigilante. Try being a criminal. If it doesn't work out, or it's not fun, try something different. Worst case scenario, you can always kill yourself later, once you've tried all the interesting ideas you could muster.

Life always ends in death anyway, no point in rushing into it before you've experienced as many unique things as possible.

I could see from the beginning that you were autistic, I am glad you are aware of it so that you can understand yourself better, you don't experience things as others do and things that are easy for others are not easy for you but it is also hard for others to deal with your behavior. You are not bad, Be strong, try your best, breathe, it will get better, destroying yourself would only make things worse.

Everything you've mentioned in this situation is a valid reason to feel the way you do. That would put me into crisis too.
There are good people out there, including people that will meet you where you are, understand and help.
Sometimes you just have to hang on for dear life.
Survive by any means necessary.
🫂

First, please don't kill yourself. Ultimately, none of us can make the decision, but from one deeply unwell dysfunctional human to another, I prefer this world with you in it

Thats a really hard situation to be in. I'm also really struggling to adapt to functioning in this world, it's a really hard place to be. I think two things can be true. Its valid for them to be upset that you weren't cleaning and whatnot around the appointment. And at the same time, that doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes when you're unwell, you struggle to handle your responsibilities.

That doesnt make you a bad person, it makes you unwell and struggling to handle your responsibilities. Regardless of whether they're understandably frustrated with the situation.

I wish there was more support I could give, but I'm sending love 🫂

Please, don't jump off the bridge, seriously.

Don't listen to this, it's clear that there is something wrong and that you should get professional help, as seen by the BPD. I see this situation as a breakup, you can rebuild from it, even if someone has a fault or no one has it, as it doesn't matter.

Don't let this moment dictate what you do with the rest of your life, try to do something to take your mind out of this for a day or two, plan to do something to get out of there and rebuild your life.

I have a useless IT degree, no friends, no family, I legit have nothing.

I failed everything I tried and I'm here, I stopped caring a long time ago, I just try to live my life these days.

You can do it. Believe in yourself.

Please call a crisis line like 988, a person's value is not derived by accompishment. You are worthy of happiness and love.