Programmer Humor

I was a consultant for 40 years. I was that guy that logged in remotely and took control of your PC. People absolutely lose it. It does not matter if you tell them or try to explain to them. On countless occasions I would be on the phone with the person saying I am logging into your computer right now. They would start screaming that somebody is hacking into the machine. It would take a couple minutes to calm them down. Same thing if I said I’ll be logging in in five minutes. I would inevitably get a call from the person that I just told five minutes ago I was logging in saying somebody’s hacking their computer. I am so glad I am retired now.

Every time someone at work sees me use vim.

Watching people struggle with the idea that there are multiple approaches to the same thing is also a great challenge.

Just add this option to the config file

Opens nano

😤

I don't use computers, ever, so I never have this problem. My family has been without internet for years and my mother/sister and my father both agree things is better this way.

My project manager refuses to use hotkeys, watching her copy/paste with the right click context menu takes years off my life.

By "differently" you mean "utterly wrong every time", right?

however they get it done is fine it's just when it takes 10x the time to open something they use every day. bitch how do you live like this

Years ago I came in hot to a new team acting like I knew everything and the lead refused to teach me. Totally my fault for being a horse’s arse. However, I taught myself and got really, really good at it. The team lead had been doing it for four years. When I saw how he was doing it, I had to cringe. My way was way better. But if I tried to show him my way, it would have been like I was acting like I knew more than them. Had I come in more humbly, my contribution would have probably been better received. It didn’t work out with that team.

I don’t act like I know better than others so much now, if I catch myself. Sometimes their way works for them. And I’m not young. There are probably younger people than me who are faster. Maybe they use AI. I refuse to.

You’re never gonna be the best. Try to be the kindest.

Watching someone earning triple your salary struggle to share their screen or start a presentation fullscreen

😑

There is a reason I always say, "backslash, the one without the question mark".

"that's right! The square hole!"

"differently than you" is a funny way to say "triple clicking a hyperlink every fucking time oh my god you only have to click it once, mom".

What kind of sick fuck taps the screen with their finger repeatedly??

Animals I tell ya

I once asked a co-worker to scroll to the bottom of a list so I could see the last entries.

I watched in abject horror as he clicked the little down arrow on the scroll bar repeatedly.

I honestly wanted to wrench the mouse from his grasp and feed it to him.

My girlfriend does NOT use her mouse wheel to scroll web pages. It's melting my brain.

My personal hell will be this but they’re also a loud chewer that licks their fingers and gets wet Cheeto dust all over everything.

Had a refinement yesterday, where we decided that we should add all tickets of an epic individually into the milestone (except for two).
And for whatever reason, our project manager had decided to use the in-browser split view and was struggling against that, but also just was about to do it in some cumbersome way. I think, he wanted to manually compare the list of issues in the epic vs. the milestone.

Either way, I could tell that he'd need 10+ seconds to even get started. And telling him how to do it would probably take equally long. So, I just open each issue of the epic in a new tab and check on each tab that the issue is in the milestone or add it, then close the tab. And yep, I was long done when he was still trying to find the issue list for the milestone.

That was certainly one of those moments. 🫠

He isn't entirely familiar with that issue tracking UI, so it's fine, and of course, it is my job to be good with computers and all that, but still felt wild that he could've easily needed ten times as long to do the same thing.

The middle mouse button pastes the selected text, "home" goes to the start of the line, "end" goes to the end. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

Not necessarily … I have a young colleague who has an absolutely Insane typing speed, he never copy-pastes anything shorter than something like a hundred characters simply because he types that much faster (and during all these years, I've never ever seen him make a mistake).

If you try to "help" by taking control, you'll soon find that all the similar tasks are delegated to you and no learning takes place at all. So your only option is to just watch them fail and bear suffering.