Good point about "cheating"! I imagine there are some places where standing up (rather than tub-bath, or sitting down for a thorough scrub) is considered the cheat-form!
Saw your previous post in this community.. I hear you. I've been learning and practicing (by no means yet mastering) being gentle with myself, setting small goals and appreciating small achievements. Like, if you can't get up and run around the block, can you get up, take a shower, get dressed... and then go back to bed? Sometimes doing that one step today can allow you to do the next thing, tomorrow.
Mod here. Please flair as NSFW. See pinned post from VubDapple.
We've got a few pinned posts with a wide variety of resources; please check these to see if any look promising. More importantly: use them. Call 988, or a warm-line. You've already taken the first step by posting here. Keep going.
I fully agree the two avenues you've reached out to so far can be useless. Formal, one-on-one treatment lags massively beyond need--every news outlet runs stories, citing politicians who allocated big bucks to resources... which take years to get anything accomplished, and likely get bogged in red tape, slush-fund budgeting so you and I get nothing.
People around you often play comparative games: "ooh, let me tell you about MY issues; blah, blah blah; you see? they're worse than yours, so just suck it up."
However, I disagree that there's nothing special about you, or that you're taking resources someone else might need more. You matter, more than you know. You deserve, as much as anyone, love and help.
There are some good responses already... far less than 5 months.
Two additional strategies. (1) Meditate. If you're not sure how, let me know; I can suggest some good free starting points. It may seem stupid, irrelevant at first. But I've found it's a remarkable way for me to know what I'm feeling. If I can sit with the feeling long enough, sometimes I can figure out why I'm feeling that way.
(2) Reach out, spread good. It doesn't have to be dramatic, like "helping someone in more need than you are." Sometimes, it's letting someone trying to make a left turn into traffic the space to make that turn. Giving a compliment to a random stranger.
I struggle with depression too. I've earned it--my partner with Alzheimer's is in a nursing home I call "Roach Motel" it's so badly run. (No, this is not "my problems are worse than yours.") I visit daily. I brush her hair, hold her hand, holler for aides when they ignore the call bell--I make a difference in her life. I like some of the aides, and I think others are pure a**holes. But I bring in inexpensive snacks, give compliments when I can, and treat people with a crappy job with as much respect and kindness as I can muster. Some days, I REALLY don't want to visit... but I make myself. And always, when I leave, the depression has lifted a little.
Been through grad school, 1980s. Survived. Tenured. Emeritus. Retired. I'm sure it's only gotten worse. The whole thing is set up to weed out… basically a whole bunch of people, because higher ed is not providing enough jobs for people with PhDs. (Yes, I know there are advanced degrees that don't lead to an academic job.) And it's set up to provide a slave labor force of teachers for undergrad classes. A lot of fine people end up bag ladies, or moving off to organic lesbian goat farms (two examples from my peer group).
And it's functionally a stress test, to find the cracks, before grad students get out in the real world and face the insane demands of a life of itinerant adjuncting, the horrors of seeking tenure, or the other professional jobs that require higher degrees. If they crack after graduating, they can take a lot of other people down with them. (Seen that happen, too.)
That doesn't excuse any of it, not by a long shot. A whole bunch of stuff in this world needs to be reformed. But: it does offer a chance to see that it's only a game—and if the game is something that makes you miserable, you need to find a different game. A game where you can find ways to be kind, and not perpetuate the misery.
I'm so glad you're checking back in with an update! And it's good news you have found a psychiatrist willing to take the time to work with you. And that you have a handle on what's "off," and a starting point to getting you back on track.
SSRIs, as you know, suppress the re-uptake (grab that molecule & recycle its components) of seratonin, the happy-feel molecule. SNRIs suppress the re-uptake of seratonin, and norepinephrine as well, essentially adreneline (the "I can face the day with confidence" molecule, which in larger amounts becomes "I wanna bite your head off" molecule.) In other words, it will probably feel different than a straight SSRI—I hope in ways that address the discomfort you had previously.
I'm not familiar with the other Rx you mentioned; but again, it sounds like your doc is starting with small doses. Always a plus to start out conservatively and see how they affect you.
I'm happy for you!
I'm so sorry. See you've found "Chronic Pain" community, which I was going to suggest. If you haven't thought of it and are up for the suggestion, I know there are online searchable resources for "meditation pain management."
Sending you strength and love.
For those who hit the paywall— https://www.zdnet.com/article/googles-new-settings-let-you-remove-your-private-info-from-search-results-heres-how/
There's a saying in the caregiving community, those of us keeping loved ones with dementia and various disabilities afloat, alive and (hopefully) thriving.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep your loved one warm.
Meaning, if you don't take care of yourself, you cannot help others. You could set yourself on fire, but the flames go out quickly, and then you're a crispy, crunchy mess—and both of you are far worse off than when you started.
Put your own oxygen mask on first, before trying to help others.
And… sometimes that means saying "no." Which is hard, but necessary.
I haven't gone through such an intake myself, but have watched loved ones' evaluations. One thing I suspect will happen is you'll be given questionnaires asking about whether you do/think certain things "always," "sometimes," "rarely," "never." (Or similar language.)
You might also list what you have been experiencing, and why you think the issues have increased in severity. Use this as a prompt for yourself when you are being evaluated and asked, in essence, "what brings you here?"
Obviously, this is not a time to either overstate what's going on, or to hold back on what you're feeling is "off." A good psychiatrist and mental health team will assuredly have the tools to get beyond the "normal" façade that makes it easier to function, but leaves you aware that it's something of a sham.
Best wishes to you.
You might try this website: https://dontcallthepolice.com/. It lists resources in major cities. I checked several randomly, and all seem to have a "youth" section. When you click on "youth," you may see resources, or you may see "info coming soon."
At the top of that page, there is also a set of "national" listings. There are specific resources for abuse, trafficking, and so on. The most promising general resource seems to be https://teenlifeline.org/. I clicked through to that site, and it appears to have the equivalent of a warm-line staffed by other teens.
Retired college professor here. I can't address everything you've written, although my heart goes out to you.
I did want to point out that you say you've worked with college mental health counsellors and found little help.
Please know that college counsellors are not set up to address long-term, deep issues. They are very effective working with exam anxiety, roommate spats, grief and coming-of-age emotions. However, as powerful as many of these may feel to the people experiencing them, they are often fairly short-term issues when addressed well and quickly.
In other words, I'm suggesting that you see your experiences with college counsellors as being like a visit to a corner convenience store. You can get a soda, chips, maybe a hot dog. A good place for such items fast, a good stop-gap for you.
But for more substantial fare that will last you a while and keep you healthy, you'll want to visit a large supermarket with more options. A long-term therapy commitment is designed for ongoing health and nourishment, and can offer you deeper resources.
For all of us with ADHD, autism spectrum, or just plain Foot-In-Mouth-ism: been there, done that, second-guessing making this post even as I write it. Enjoy this comic: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/cues