ChickenLadyLovesLife

There's a guy in my town who keeps a herd of goats and rents them out for brush clearance. I assume his neighbors hate it but there seems to be nothing they can do about it. I've been meaning to ask him if he sells goat meat.

I had an Indian friend who flew from Florida home to Bombay, via Heathrow and New Delhi. As he was waiting there for his luggage he glanced down at his shirt pocket and noticed part of a joint sticking out.

I have this thing called a utili-key, which is a 6-in-1 multitool that folds up into the shape of a key. I've flown with it numerous times, TSA never even had a clue it was on my keyring. I went to one fucking Philadelphia 76ers game and they confiscated it. Perfectly encapsulates TSA.

I want to say he's mistaking it for the Belgian Congo, but he would have loved that place.

The fourth was extremely embarrassing as well, although who cares at that point. There's a defender there watching Lukaku literally flat-footed, even though there was nobody else around for him to guard.

At least with the header we had two defenders closely marking the guy, even though that just made it an even more spectacular goal.

What amuses me is the soccer fans here who think we're going to get better. I first encountered this in '94 when we (the US) hosted the world cup and got spanked by a Brazil team playing with 10 players. It's like Indians saying they're going to be good at basketball soon (they aren't, because they love cricket).

I had a friend who used to help out an old lady like this in his neighborhood. She had no children and when she died she left him a couple million dollars and her house. He had no idea she had anything.

I wish I could find this again, but there's a Pathe newsreel from 1946 or thereabouts that shows the coming wonders of mobile phones. It even has a man at the grocery store calling his wife to ask what brand of beans she wants. Of course the "phone" was basically a walkie-talkie with a huge backpack, but they had the principle exactly right.

Should have been three rocks instead.

I'm amazed by people that put those Monster scratches on their cars. Like, your energy drink of choice is that big a part of your personality?

My least favorite part about riding on bike trails is le peloton -- the mass of riders all gabbing with each other and not paying the slightest bit of attention to what's right in front of them and crowding up to take over the entire lane. I can't count the number of times I've been literally run off the trail by this shit.

I used to bike to work in Louisiana. No bike lanes anywhere but my route was relatively free of car traffic. The problem was the unchained dogs that would come after me from time to time.