This has very "I have tons of black friends" vibes.
Susaga
Ironic that you say to use real words, yet you use slang initialisms frequently. But it's fine, because those are things that you understand. It's only a problem if people younger than you say stuff that you personally don't understand yet, right?
If the image is even slightly convincing, it's essentially just defamation with digital impersonation thrown in. Yeah, that might catch photoshop in its net, but you'd need to be a DAMN good artist to get caught in it as well.
Largiloquent: Bombastic.
Dithyramb: Ancient Greek improvised hymn about Dionysus.
You were almost coherent there, but not quite.
I don't know for certain if he deserves it or not, but this guy will always be known as the guy accused of using a buttplug to cheat at chess. There's no escaping it at this point.
"He's at the Hilton!" "Well then, let's go there!" "I dunno, it doesn't sound great. This guy only ranked it 2 stars, and apparently it really hates cops."