Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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cross-posted from : https://kopitalk.net/c/canada/p/195203/owner-of-adult-store-stunned-after-pentagon-demands-she-stop-shipping-butt-plugs-to-sold

Apparently the US Department of ~~Defense~~War thinks that they can order non-US citizens not resident in the USA to cease and desist from mailing things.

Uh…

Hilarity of the items involved aside, the gall of the US military postal service to give orders to civilians not under their command and not even of their nation is shocking.

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I hope the staff spat in their food

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Crossposted from https://beehaw.org/post/24258253

This week, meet a reader we'll Regomize as "Wilson" who once worked as the boss of a welding shop attached to an engineering consultancy.

Wilson set the scene by telling us this story came from the early 1980s, when AutoCAD was replacing drawing boards.

"We had a new structural engineer who those of us in the shop quickly identified as an idiot with a degree," Wilson wrote.

One day, said idiot decided that the computers used to run AutoCAD needed to be cleaned and that the welding shop was the place to do the job.

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cross-posted from: https://quokk.au/c/australia/p/593822/fatberg-the-size-of-four-buses-likely-birthed-poo-balls-that-closed-sydney-beaches-and-it-ca

Secret report suggests fats, oils and grease accumulate in ‘inaccessible dead zone’ at Malabar plant, then dislodge when pumping pressure ‘rapidly increases’

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Kuwait has withdrawn the citizenship of its ambassador to the United Kingdom, Badr Mohammed Al-Awadhi, in a rare decision that leaves a serving diplomat without the nationality of the state he was accredited to represent.

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cross-posted from: https://discuss.online/post/33910062

The Trump administration apologized in court for a “mistake” in the deportation of a Massachusetts college student who was detained trying to fly home to surprise her family for Thanksgiving, but still argued the error should not affect her case.

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I don't know if this smells like The Onion enough.

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Crossposted from https://lemmy.world/post/41606967

The president of Oglala Sioux Tribe in South Dakota on Tuesday called for the immediate release of tribal members who were detained at a homeless encampment by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents in Minnesota last week.

Three of the four Oglala Sioux Tribe members who were arrested in Minneapolis on Friday have been transferred to an ICE facility at Fort Snelling, President Frank Star Comes Out said in a statement released with a memorandum sent to federal immigration authorities.

“The Oglala Sioux Tribe’s memorandum makes clear that ‘tribal citizens are not aliens’ and are ‘categorically outside immigration jurisdiction,’” Star Comes Out said. “Enrolled tribal members are citizens of the United States by statute and citizens of the Oglala Sioux Nation by treaty.”

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Archived link

According to Russian officials, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew – previously accused by Moscow of having “split Orthodox Ukraine” – has now allegedly turned his “dark gaze” on the Baltic states. ​ In Lithuania, a group of Orthodox Christians severed their links to Moscow following the 2022 invasion of Ukraine and the church’s leadership's support for the war. They established a new community under the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople; Ukraine’s Orthodox community did the same in 2019. ​ On Monday, Russia’s Foreign Intelligence Service and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a joint statement containing apocalyptic language about developments in Lithuania and other European countries.

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Russian intelligence claimed that the patriarch was not merely a religious leader but a metaphysical threat — an “incarnate devil” seeking to drive Russian Orthodoxy out of Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. ​ The message was criticised on social media by Gintaras Sungaila, one of the first Orthodox priests in Lithuania to announce his break from the Moscow Patriarchate.

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Crossposted from https://feddit.uk/post/42584616

Trump also told the Times that he isn’t opposed to using nuclear force if he “needed it” to take over the Arctic island but that “it might upset NATO," since the island is a self-governing territory of NATO member country Denmark.

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