appledinosaurcat

joined 9 months ago
 

Based on this, I might have more specific follow-up questions. Please be kind with me as this program just started, and we are all really just trying to create friend groups as efficiently as possible and have good intentions, before everyone gets set in their ways so to speak. Thank you!

EDIT: One of the guys (Bob) suggested that we create a group text (aka chat). So I made one, including 5 of my guy friends but excluding 2 girls that I was closer to before and want to now distance from (obviously didn't state this explicitly as we have to be "PC", but the context is she kept spamming/complaining in our girls' chat, is very phony, and once lied to me after this chat was formed, which they know nothing about as she puts on a facade for them). Bob and one of the other guys (Ed), are friends with one of the girls (Ann), so they were unhappy but ultimately went along with it. Then 2 other guys got added to the chat. After a week or so, 2 of my closest guy friends in this chat (one of which I'm starting to develop feelings for) asked me about those girls I used to hang out with and that we should add more girls to our chat. I said there's no drama; I just spent more time with them in the past before I had a chance to branch out and meet new people which I always like to do. I'm unsure if they feel this way specifically because of Bob/Ed wanting Ann to join, or since nearly all of the single guys were competing for my attention at some point and giving me somewhat romantic signals. I'm generally friendly so guys sometimes can't tell if I like them romantically or am just being "nice". I've been cautious about liking the guys' messages and haven't even really done so but I do actively respond when they initiate topics. We left it at: we'll brainstorm which girls to add. This was before I started liking him, so he said he wanted to add a girl that he thinks he likes but not yet. He didn't update back, possibly as we've recently started seeing each other differently as well.

Recently, I got pulled into a get-together with Bob/Ed where they didn't tell me who was coming so I basically went in blindly, and Ann was behaving like the host. A few other guys from our group were there but not my closest friends, weirdly enough. It was very uncomfortable, and I had to act like it was fine. To make things weirder, Bob made a group text with only those who attended this event, asking everyone to text when they got home (we drank a lot but I think this was a silly excuse to form a new group chat where she's the center of attention). I was unhappy and don't know if I should confide in the guy I like about all of this. Idk how much he knows, or how close he really is to these other guys. A lot of politics. Then, someone who's good friends with the one I like asked in the chat to meet today, and we 3 all went, along with Ed and a guy who was at the weird event. I feel like Ed and that guy are always colluding to bring Ann in, disregarding how I feel and my preferences - even if they don't know the actual reasons.

Wasn't it inappropriate for them to basically play me like that and not just tell me upfront about Ann? And create a stupid group text, which she has continued to blow up? Should I talk to the guy I like about all of this, or I'm afraid he'll think it's too much drama? Should I explain about her complaints/lies, or just be PC and ignore the new chat? Shouldn't they respect my preferences instead of pressuring me to add a girl because what is so wrong with enjoying a chat with the bros (even if one isn't seen as platonic now)? Or should I just add a different girl I like better, even if it risks getting awkward (e.g. she judges me for talking to so many guys or they don't gel)? Or should I disengage from this group and be polite from a distance? I don't know how to salvage this. I want to be friends and stay professional overall, while tapping into potential with the guy I like, but I don't know if it's time for me to just distance myself. He also hasn't really initiated private texts with me nor asked me to spend time one on one, and I fear the group text prevents this. Please help me out, all!

 

Please be kind with me! I always mean well and have good intentions. I'm just in a position where I've started a new career role (overwhelming in and of itself), while also trying to see what unfolds when it comes to relationships (I'm at an age where there's more pressure). Any help/advice is appreciated!

My guy friend (Bob) and I got a bit too friendly at a nightclub. It wasn't like anything drastic happened, however we did hug several times flirtatiously which he mostly initiated. I might've initiated the very first one but it was pretty mutual. I didn't know how to deflect his multiple hugs especially in front of our peers where we usually have to be so PC and professional. Somehow, we started chatting after leaving the club, and I'm not sure how the topic came up but it was likely when he stated that I looked uncomfortable. I mentioned I just wasn't expecting us to get so physically close in a short period of time, at a nightclub nonetheless, even if it was hugs. I explained I tend to be more conservative with intimacy and we also just started our professional roles.

Our chat got so awkward, and I found that he has manipulative tendencies. He has constantly given mixed signals, pretended not to remember basic details about me that we've talked about admitting that he likes to mess with people, got defensive stating he doesn't want to be friends as this will be weird, he wants to tell his best friend about all of this, drank a lot and said he drove so it seemed he wanted an excuse to hang out. The punchline was when he said he doesn't think we should date and then asked if he hurt my feelings as it apparently looked like I was going to cry. I was confused because nothing had even started between us, and I felt like he was being really presumptuous or wanted to upper hand. He wavered back and forth, said he liked being friends with me and the group we've formed with his best friend collectively, apologized a few times for potentially leading me on. After all of this, he also told me he had been wanting to kiss me, clearly wanting to drag out the one on one time so late at night. Ultimately, we agreed there's mutual attraction but not enough or proper that we should act on it. We agreed one of us has to be the stronger one and I walked away first.

The big problem now is his best friend. I caught some type of feelings for him right before all of this happened and was actually hoping to see him. I made sure that Bob knows how much I value my friendship with his friend, with himself, and us as a group. He said he won't tell him details like the hugs but he does want to bring up the awkward gray area moment. My stomach is unsettled because I believe Bob planned this all along, as soon as I had a great deep talk with his friend with him in earshot earlier that same day. I think he got jealous and may ruin my connection with his friend. He even said he thought I'd make a nice couple with his friend. I asked if we should just all 3 sit together after a meeting we're attending tomorrow, and he deflected it. I get that he'd want to have real talk with his friend, and I told him point blank I'm not trying to meddle, but I now feel like I really need to do something from my side.

Should I tell his friend when I see him in person today (Bob won't be there)? If so, what do I even say and I should text Bob a heads-up right? Or give Bob more time to tell his friend since he's busy this weekend? Stepping back, is there anything to even tell Bob's friend? Because of the hugs or mainly that it became a gray area between friendship and romance? How can I deflect hugs without making guys feel rejected, especially when others are watching and we need to be very professional in this group? Is Bob someone I should stay away from and what could I have done better? Any other advice or thoughts are welcome. Thank you!

 

I have a number of Google Photos accounts that I believe I had backed up my iPhone to over the years. However, I hadn't deleted the backed up photos from my iPhone each time, so there are many duplicates across the multiple Google Photos accounts.

Can you please help me identify the most efficient way to remove these duplicate photos that are taking up so much space? I tried to compare two accounts at a time manually but this method is extremely time-consuming, and it would really help a lot to learn a more efficient way. I know how to move photos from one account to another, but the issue is one of the two accounts containing duplicate photos is at full capacity and the other is almost full. Even if they had free space though, would the duplicates show up side by side in the account they're moved to? Because if not, it'll be hard to tell if each photo was in fact a duplicate and therefore no photos were lost somehow in the transfer process, unless I again manually check at a detailed level. Maybe I can eyeball it and send the duplicate photos to a third account with more free space, delete the same photos from both originating accounts, and then send this batch of photos back from the third account to one of the originating accounts?

This has been bothering me for a long time and I would like to do all that I can to avoid buying Google storage over and over. Thank you!

 

I am no stranger to Excel and Tech in general, however this stumped me! This all occurred on the corporate laptop where we connect to the network remotely using a security token ID. Any help is extremely appreciated as I would hate to have to do hours of re-work. Adulting is hard.

I was working in an Excel spreadsheet, when suddenly the Excel application started glitching. Any updates to a given cell would not immediately reflect. I could only view the change after toggling to a different tab and returning to the tab with the updated cell. Instead of clicking the Save button, I clicked the Exit button on the Excel file as I know a pop-up would be triggered if changes were made since the most recent save. The file closed with no pop-ups, so I figured that was because I had already recently saved the file which I remember doing. I then rebooted the laptop, logged in again with new token as we do each time, expecting to see all my updates when re-opening the file. Especially because the time stamp of the file clearly indicated the moment right before the reboot. But the file had completely reverted to the original state! I even checked many other local folders including Downloads, Documents, Desktop. I checked the Recent Files panel within the Excel file but all versions were also in original state. I looked for the Auto-recovery panel but none was available.

I'm panicking as I'm really in a bind and time crunch. I considered consulting our IT team but they are usually so slow and would most likely be too late, if they can even recover the updated file. Is it possible to recover the updated file in general now? What was the issue in this series of events, and what would have been the best solution? Any other advice or insight to help me out? Thank you all!

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago

Don't worry about it, thank you for sharing the perspective you gained from your experience. I am just now seeing the exchange below. It wasn't my intention to create a controversial discussion, but I appreciate you both taking time to offer input.

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago

Thank you so much! This is very true. You seem like a friendly bee too :)

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 1 points 7 months ago

I'm with you and appreciate the input. The thing is I have this hunch that if I were to have kissed him instead of taken his beer, and everything else stayed the same, he would have reacted extremely differently. Which means he was put off by something else, selective drink sharing-only germophobia, ego/masculinity, wanting to be the one to make moves, or any other myraid of reasons

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Thank you for offering the more passionate support on this thread. I feel a lot better about it all after processing it some more. I totally agree it was the abrupt way he just dropped it that shocked me a little especially given how into our other interactions he seemed

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 1 points 7 months ago

Hahah before this encounter happened, I really had no idea just how controversial this question could be. Now I know and hopefully it helps someone else out there as well

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Thank you for the compliment! It made me smile :) Sorry for the delay after recently traveling. You're a cool bee too

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That makes sense, thank you. I didn't think of that and consider how things looked from his side. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix the situation once it happened?

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I agree, thank you. That could've been a good opportunity to actually speak to him for the first time. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix the situation once it happened?

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 10 points 7 months ago

I appreciate it! I still see it from this angle too and those were my exact intentions, even though it was a bold move. Reading everyone's input helps me feel less bad and consider new perspectives

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

This helps, thank you. I can see how he would have no way of knowing that type of behavior is not the norm for me and that I'm not carrying something contagious. It's all very ironic because I myself tend to be mindful of germs but did that on a whim. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix this once it happened?

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful comment and encouragement! Do you think there was anything that could be done to fix the situation once it happened? I'm a little worried how much it's been on my mind since it happened a few nights ago but it is definitely improving with time. I think I'm just feeling lonely romantically nowadays

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thank you so much! I'm relieved to hear that you would have interpreted it as I had intended, an innocent flirty sign. It was really the first time I had done that and agree about the sanitation/safety factors. What should I have done to fix it after that happened, if any? For example, I keep wondering if it would've helped for me to apologize and clarify my intentions, and try to continue dancing with him. Or do you think he would see that as desperate? Do you think he thought I was an "easy" person without boundaries?

 

Please be kind with me as I am new to this platform. I was at a club when a very handsome guy, totally my type, started dancing with me. I don't know what gave me the courage to take the half finished beer from his hand and take a sip of it without asking. I then gave his beer back to him, and he said he had to go but will be right back. It was an excuse to stop dancing with me since he just stayed put in his friend group without going anywhere. I've been feeling really bad after that happened and would have danced the night away with him if I could. And now I have no idea what his name or phone number is, just keep replaying that night in my mind.

What is your opinion on a woman taking a man's beer and having a sip without asking? Is it such an awful gesture that his sudden rejection was warranted? Was he angry, scared off, or just thought I was easy? I am not that type of person and had no ill intentions whatsoever. I just acted on natural impulse and was trying to be flirtatious. Thank you for any advice and comfort.

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