blue

(silent appreciation for this comment)

I agree and love that strategy! I just brought it up in another comment before I read this one.

This is the way I'd prefer to use the word "sorry" but I have adapted to using it more liberally for masking and it often takes significant effort to come up with alternatives. Hence this post, really.

I was using apologies as an example and was unclear about the actual point, I think. I doubted my own autism because I know and understand that "sorry" doesn't always mean sorry and when and why.

And yet I was struggling with the idea of using it that way because it conflicts with my brain and values, and spending a disproportionate amount of time trying to figure out how to write the greeting.

Like spending 30+ minutes deliberating over the absolute least important part of an email due to social anxiety over language use... No, I couldn't possibly be autistic (/sarcasm).

I don't think "Sorry is only for actual apologizing" is how everyone communicates, though. It's a nicety or etiquette thing the same way people ask "How are you?" as a greeting without expecting—or wanting—a genuine answer.

I would prefer not to over-apologize or have a polite nicety misunderstood because it's awkward, but sometimes it also feels necessary for masking reasons.

But while misleading, my post was about doubting my own autism while spending a disproportionate amount of brainspace on how to write a greeting in an email.

I completely agree. This is why I was agonizing over the email! The whole "It seems polite to say it" vs. "I must avoid needless apologies."

For the times I feel tempted to over-apologize out of insecurity or shame, my favorite apology replacement strategy is saying thanks instead.

"Thanks for waiting" instead of "Sorry that took so long."

"now people don't know if your ok when you say your ok."

Well that's basically the truth right there. I would love if people were considerate of my slow processing and tendency to misspeak, and learned that what I say on the spot might not hold, and maybe they should check in with me later. I didn't lie— but I didn't have all the information settled in my head yet.

I do try to communicate my slow processing when possible, to give context to that. If people avoid me because existing with the brain I have makes me "a problem," good fucking riddance. I don't need more of those people in my life.

Like, give me some time to think about it??? Why can't that be common courtesy???

but in minecraft it's enjoyable!

not trying to be cheeky—i wrote up a long part about modding capacity and level of sandbox freedom etc., but i am sure you're already very aware of that lol

so taking it as just vanilla: at the end of the day mining in minecraft feels relaxing and satisfying to me while in NMS it feels like a chore. i absolutely hate mining out ore deposits with a mining laser.

(breaking plants and minerals is kinda fun though)

like minecraft really nailed game feel

obviously this all depends on personal preference anyway, but if players have to do the same thing over and over again, then it needs to be very enjoyable in and off itself to do so.

just a funny one:

following instructions, apparently?

as a youth, we had a guest lecture at school (computing) and were given a software tutorial to follow. i completed it and the instructors were impressed, to my absolute confusion.

"i just... followed the instructions?"

"you'd be surprised how many can't do that!"

in hindsight, i do wonder if it's a slight autism "perk" just because i think literally and follow instructions accurately so long as they aren't vague. i wonder if some people will struggle with specific instructions but excel at parsing vague things.

it's just so funny to me to get complimented on that specifically. but also the student teaching assistant was definitely flirting, which baby autistic me DID pick up on but considered mostly irrelevant to the strange praise??? xD

it does genuinely depend on the people involved. as much as ND's love to go "ugh, neurotypicals" (myself included) a lot of the stuff we rant about isn't specifically definative of NT.

in my experience, i have struggled mostly with people who could not imagine anything outside of their own personal experience, to the extent of disbelieving those other experiences exist.

i don't wish a partner like that for any autist. no matter how much they "love" you and want to "help" you. that is hell. that is death.

but a NT who acknowledges and accepts different inner experiences, and may even be curious about them, could make an amazing partner. they may not instinctively understand right away, but they will believe you. i think that's a fundamental prerequisite that a lot of NTs lack because they encounter more people who are like them than people who aren't.

like, i get when you meet 99 people who think the temperature in the room is incredibly pleasant, you might be baffled by the 1 person who is in sensory hell. but many people lack the imagination to think that person is legitimately uncomfortable, and instead think they want attention or something.

NDs are usually the odd ones out and so tend to encounter more people who are different than the same. and so it may be categorically easier to understand that people experience the world differently than us because that is kind of the main social issue we face most days our entire life.

Yeah, it sucks, but there's some things you just have to accept.

This reminds me of a certain CEO who said gamers need to "get comfortable not owning games" so that subscription models can grow. I can imagine so, so many gamers in a couple years saying this sentence about that and so many more new exploitative practices.

The truth is, we don't need to accept it. They need us to accept it so they can get away with it.

Pushback is crucial.

i AM autistic, and you said so many things i wanted to say.

i haven't seen either show, so i can't comment on the overall issues, and i'm fully aware that more context could completely change the situation.

but it's a pet peeve of mine when people make "add-on" complaints or criticisms of a problematic thing anyway— nitpicking that distracts from the actual issues.

ANYWAY, as an autist, my reaction to the "awkward" seen was "omg, i feel you friend." the music and editing highlighted the way he portrayed himself. it amplified his self-expression.

alex, meanwhile, got a treatment that made him look arrogant, shallow, and obnoxious— which was precisely how he behaved... or at least, that's one way to look at it. because whether you think alex is "confident and sexy" or "an absolute tool" is actually quite dependent on your own biases and not necessarily the soundtrack.

(alex the bro could be a really fun guy, but my instinct would say that his action reel intro was mocking him, not celebrating him. most reality shows like that are seen as pretty "trashy" in my neck of the woods, and the cast is being mocked by default.)