bobbyfiend

I absolutely would not trust myself, but I also feel deeply that I should be allowed to test this hypothesis with lived experience.

Speak for yourself.

Feeling this very hard. It took me a few decades to find a partner like that. Very happy you have one.

Kids with ADHD often have days and weeks and months and years in which almost every interaction with a parent or teacher is mostly negative. It doesn't take long for this conditioning to make kids feel bad about themselves--e.g., see themselves as stupid and lazy--and feel bad about the parents and teachers. They often become secretive or otherwise avoid the people they've had thousands of bad experiences with.

If there's any way to shift that balance, it will be powerful for your daughter and for your relationship with her later. Sometimes this means just letting go of certain things. Sometimes it means letting her get away with stuff. If she has siblings, it probably means looking like you're treating your kids unfairly. Sometimes it might mean reaching out with love and kindness when there seems to be no chance that will be received well. You can potentially be one of the best things in her life, but the path of least resistance--and the path that "normal" parenting leads to--is a world where you are an agent of unpleasantness or punishment for her more often than of happiness and comfort.

As she grows up she will learn lots of things adults need to know; some quickly, some very slowly. She'll need help at a lot of points, and if you can be a person she asks for help, her life will be better. When she's 20 or 30 she'll be independent and living a life, no matter what your parenting style was. At that point, the relationship she has with you depends a lot on her accumulated memory and gut-level conditioning from years of being around you.

I'm choking up as I write this because I have a daughter and I know I'm not a perfect dad. I want very much to have a good relationship with her as she grows up, and I know I don't always make that easy. It's a huge challenge. I say this because what I wrote sounds really preachy; I'm preaching to myself as much as to anyone else.

I think ADHD often does to us sort of what some other conditions do to others: beats us down. By the time we reach adulthood, we've learned from millions of experiences not to bother with certain things. At the same time, many adults I know with ADHD are much more anxious, especially in social or work situations, than they appear.

Seriously, neither you nor your therapist knows unless you get assessed by a qualified psychologist with experience doing this. Everyone has some characteristics of ADHD (to put it like that) because ADHD is just exaggeration/minimization/mistargeting of functions everyone has. Whether your pattern fits the disorder can be difficult to know without a good assessment.

It's your brain. Advice like "think of what could you have done differently" or "slow down and consider the consequences," etc. does not help in the least, because the part of your brain that does the thinking and the considering and the slowing down is the part that has the problem.

I have been on Opalstack since they started. I like them. I pay for hosting monthly. I've self-hosted several apps there (or tried to, sometimes; I couldn't make everything work all the time). Nextcloud is dodgy; I like it, but it's a pain in the ass for someone like me (not a dev, not a coder) to deal with the almost inevitable problems every 2 or 3 times I need to upgrade. And I've never been able to get an office suite working well. Much of this could be because I'm trying to run NC on shared hosting; even opalstack's support doesn't fix all of that.

Email: opalstack has email. I use it. I don't actually know what service it is, but I have three or four mailboxes linked to a couple of domain names I own, and several hundred email addresses* Thunderbird does great with IMAP on my laptop, desktop, and phone, with opalstack as the server.

*lots of emails because when I sign up for something I create a new email address just in case they sell my stuff and I start to get spam.

This is cool info. I also wonder, looking at his picture, if he was born in 1988. No idea, but hey.

As a smart person said several years ago, "Context is everything and everything without context is a lie."

On the surface, yes. Look up Gail Slater and then decide if you really think she's going to do anything about monopolies. Her career since leaving the FTC has been spent defending them.

I think we have different ideas of what "politics" means.