cogitoprinciple

I want to be more respecting of my own sensory needs, and notice certain fabrics are incredible uncomfortable, as opposed to others. I've also noticed loose clothing feels more comfortable for me, then tight clothes. Cotton feels good, polyester does not. I understand this may potentially vary for each person, but wanted to ask about it anyway.

I've been daily driving Linux for 17 months now (currently on Linux Mint). I have got very comfortable with basic commands and many just works distros (such as Linux Mint, or Pop!_OS) with apt as the package manager. I've tried Debian as a distro to try to challenge myself, but have always ran into issues. On my PC, I could never get wifi to work, which made it difficult to install properly. I've used it on my daily driver laptop, but ran into some issues. I thought a more advanced distro, that is still stable, would be good overall. However, not getting new software for a long time sounds quite annoying.

I'm wanting to challenge myself to get much better with Linux, partitioning, CLI, CLI tools, understanding the components of my system, trying tiling window managers, etc. I've been considering installing Arch the traditional way, on my X220, as a way to force myself to improve. Is this a good way to learn more about Linux and a Linux system in general? I always hear good things about the Arch Wiki. Is there any other tips someone can give me, to sharpen my Linux skills? I was even considering trying out Gentoo on my X220, but the compiling times sound painful. I wouldn't daily drive Gentoo or Arch, just yet, but I would try to use them as much as possible for general use.

I recently discovered, that this could create some issues for me. I want to get diagnosed, but I'm concerned about how it will affect me in a legal sense. I was wondering if there's a way, I can find out that information?

Edit: I am from Australia Currently, as it stands, retaining my drivers license post diagnosis, demands that I disclose my diagnosis, and do another test to prove I am fit to drive. This test costs $1,500. I have already started my assessment, and am doing my second session soon. I don't want to not go through with it, because it is valuable to know for sure, that I am autistic. It may also give me accommodations, but it may be difficult to get depending on my support needs.

I'm asking this out of curiosity, and to see if there are any tools that would be beneficial to use in my day to day life.

Lately, whenever I am not working, I feel tired all the time and unmotivated to do anything. Even things I like doing. I almost have to force myself to do these things. It's quite difficult. I don't even know if it's a good idea. However, I want to get my life to a point where I am happy with how things are.

What can I do, when I still have to meet the demands of life? I'm honestly struggling a lot with getting normal daily chores and self-care tasks done. This has in part, been going on for some months now. I was previously in a job that was quite unfulfilling. Even now, I don't like what I'm doing but it is a little better. I have an idea on what I want to do in the future. But it will require a year or two, to reach properly.

In the meantime, I have to attempt to self-regulate, which is really difficult. While taking on some new challenges at the same time. Not to mention, social demands as well. I want time off from work for awhile, but I can't take it off. I will be getting time off a bit into next year. For now, I just have to put up with the demands I have to reach. Living independently has a degree of strain to it. But it's better than living with my parents.

Has anyone got any ideas on how I can manage this? I don't know how I'm going to manage my way through these things. I'm honestly dreading it.

I'm asking because I may have ADHD, but it's hard for me to figure out if I do. Any ideas on how I can figure that out? I plan to eventually get assessed for ASD, and if I think ADHD may be likely, I'll get assessed for that as well.

I primarily ask this, because for a large part of my life, I have found it hard to build meaningful friendships with neurotypicals. I don't know any autistic people in real life, but wonder if it would be easier for me to build friendships with them?

Or maybe this has more to do with general struggles of being autistic, rather than how alike I am to others. However, I always find neurotypicals don't really go deep in conversation, but they enjoy small talk. Yet, I'm the complete opposite.

What has been your experience?

I ask this because of the cost. I am willing to pay for an assessment in the lower end of the high cost range which assessments typical have. However, I want to know what it would do for me, if I already have enough evidence showing I'm autistic? I want a therapist who can help me with struggles relevant to being autistic. But I don't know what an assessment would actually give me? I can see it potentially giving me access to a good therapist who specialises in autism. But can I do that without an assessment?

For those of you who are diagnosed, what has it done for you? Did it make any meaningful difference in your situation?

I ordered a grilled mackeral and found it had bones in it once I started eating it. It honestly ruined my desire to eat it.

I have read about shutdowns and meltdowns. But I don't actually get what that looks like in real time.

What I understand is that meltdowns is when someone loses control of their emotions.

Shutdowns are when someone loses the ability to perform certain functions, e.g. the ability to speak.

I was wondering if someone could give a more explicit example, of what that actually looks like?

Some weeks ago, it became apparent, that I likely have ASD. It's a weird experience because, it changes how I see myself. I haven't changed, I am still the same person. But my perception of myself and my experience, is what is changing.

I'm surprised I never figured out, that I have ASD. Not many people seem to really understand what it is. However, I had many dead giveaway signs, when I was growing up, yet no one noticed.

Some of the biggest things is my lack of being aware of body language altogtether. It's not so much, that I struggled to understand it, but more I didn't realise it was a form of communication. In fact, I believed it was all subconscious and moved on with life. Now I realise how wrong my assumption has been.

There have been other things, such as my sensory sensitivities. I used to think I was a Highly Sensitive Person, and that was why. Now I know I was wrong. I knew I was a bit different from others, but I didn't think much of it. However, things like my special interests and not liking anything regular people like, such as sports, created a real social isolation, that even now I struggle with. I've been fortunate to have two close friends, despite this fact.

Other things like how I cannot deal with small talk, as it just seems like verbal fluff, that serves no meaningful, underlying purpose and presents as a form of pretense, drives me mad.

The superficial element of people is one of the most infuriating things. Maybe because I have always innately, been honest, loyal and tried to hold integrity, and doing the right thing, above all else.

The fact that others aren't wired like me, makes so much sense. It explains why I have had struggles with isolation, and how disturbed I felt towards the actions most normal people take, when they are only serving themselves, at the expense of others.

All of these things really bothered me, growing up. I never thought it was ASD. It all makes sense now. But I'm still wrestling with my entire past to make sense of it, and it is difficult.

I don't know where I'm really going with this. I just wanted to get this off my chest. It's been bothering me for weeks now. I have many other signs, eg, monotone voice, talking slow, stimming a lot, being blunt, taking things literally, not understanding what is socially appropriate based on the situation, hating eye contact, trying to mimic others behaviour to appear socially normal, not being able to interpret how others are feeling (yet caring about how they feel), not feeling a need to conform to social norms, not being aware of social norms, clumsiness, bumping into things, speaking too loudly, or softly, struggling to learn, difficulties with executive functioning, needing rigid repetitive routines to feel safe and comfortable, not liking when others touch my things or move them, not liking when someone sits in my spot (whether on the couch or at the diningtable), not being able to deal with shopping centres, supermarkets, parties, family gathering, etc due to sensory overload.

I want to get diagnosed, but the cost in my country is quite high. So I'm not sure if I can justify it, at this stage. Though, it would be helpful. It may allow me to get support for the challenges I have, and being able to explain the way I am to others, in a way that makes sense to them. This could all be helpful and beneficial, not just so others understand me, but it would help me with my relationships a lot. People wouldn't take certain things personally, for instance, if they understand, that I do certain things, without certain awarenesses. Though, I never want to justify, manipulative or other harmful behaviour. I have seen how destructive it is when people use excuses for their behaviour.

Anyway, I am just struggling to process this, and felt the need to post this. I don't know if others here can relate. But it's challenging because I don't know anyone else who has experienced or gone through this themselves.