grasshopper_mouse

Que?

Nope, never. My retirement plan is a ditch with a nice view of the Rockies in Colorado and a bottle of gin on a cold winter night. Everything I've saved into (SS, TSP, retirement accounts) will inevitably disappear before I can access them/hit the age requirements. I don't trust the system at all (I didn't trust it before the election outcome either). I'm fucked. We're all fucked. Might as well live it up now while I still can.

I really like backgammon but no one ever wants to play with me

I never thought I would mind changing my last name when getting married until it actually happened, and I was surprisingly emotional about it. It felt like I was erasing my identity or something, a totally unexpected feeling that came out of nowhere. It was also weird to have to change my signature after having it for so many years.

We ended up getting divorced 7 years later and I reclaimed my maiden name, and needless to say, if I ever get married again, I will not be changing my last name. It was also a nightmare of paperwork to change it (both to get married and divorced), and I don't want to do that yet again.

I would be rich as fuck

I'm visiting my elderly father this weekend and he told me last night that he remembers when he and my mom took me to the doctor when I was like 2 or 3 and I tested positive for high amounts of lead (not lead poisoning, just a high amount), and now I'm like damn, maybe that explains why I suck at a few things...

I wouldn't say I'm legit dumb though. I maintained a 4.0 GPA in college and I get by just fine, but now I'm like "do I suck at math because I was exposed to lead as a child?"

This is my favorite way to cook it: Beans & Greens

Or just saute it in a little olive oil with some garlic. The key is to remove the leaves from the stems and only cover the pan for like 5 minutes. You don't want it overcooked, that's when it gets nasty. I feel like too many people think kale should be cooked down like spinach and it just comes out a mushy mess.

Kale. I hated it as a kid, but that's because my parents never removed the stems, and then boiled it down into mush, neither of which is the correct way to cook kale. Now that I cook my own, I love it and eat it regularly.

Nobody is taking Nyquil to decongest, they're taking it to pass the fuck out.

Sleepy Time extra strength. Valerian root, take me away.

Surprise surprise. Remember when this bullshit first kicked off and they were like "Oh yeah, we'll totally let them back in once the fighting stops"? Yeah, that was never the plan.

Falling into a nice comfy bed when you're exhausted and just passing out

Using an actual flushing toilet after being out in the wilderness for even just a few days

Orgasms

Eating your favorite meal

Having your back scratched or getting a massage

Apparently I think the best feelings have to do with the physical and not the mental, not sure why that is