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Standing up for myself, inside my mind, getting back at those that previously hurt me (piefed.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 days ago by akunohana@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world

6 comments fedilink hide all child comments

CW: fictional revenge violence and homicide, real bullying and violence

I've been keeping a cognitive journal for about two years, which has been great. Immensely helpful, but how and why, is another story. Today, I would like to share, that I have decided to try to write down the names of those that have hurt me during my childhood and whose aggressions and violations have left permanent scars on my psyche.

Not during their very acts of aggression, not during the aftermath, not ever have I allowed myself to talk back to them or to be angry with them. I have only ever given up, letting them physically and verbally abuse me in the hopes that they get tired of doing it, or I have run away. No more.

Pathetic, maybe, but I'm going to try this. I have established and written down two categories: "kill" and "hurt". In the kill category, I am going to write down the names of those whom I want to - or would have wanted to (can somebody please untangle the time aspect of this, psychologically?) - kill. In the hurt category, I am going to write down the names of those that I merely want to suffer. I am going to be descriptive, verbose and follow my feelings all the way.

At least until it makes me sick, or the likes, because I'm a kind, naive, weak person who couldn't hurt a f*cking fly under normal circumstances.

Has anybody here done anything similar? Share your thoughts if you feel like it! 💝

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[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

"getting back at someone" and fantasies about same never leads to healing, which is what you ultimately need. in fact it usually makes things a LOT worse.