Parenting

At five, a child has few tools (or even words) to deal with and describe their strong emotions of frustration, disappointment, etc. Dropping an ice cream cone isn't that big a deal to a 25 year old adult. But it literally may be THE WORST thing that has ever happened to the child. They are also learning what boundaries are for the first time. In the moment of "I hate you", just don't take that first gut reaction; pause, think about the moment for them, and then try to find a way to emphasize with them, and maybe even getting them to catch their breath and empathize with you. Teach them what the emotions are called, ask them to try to explain why they are upset, or state why you think they are upset and ask them to confirm. Use and provide your wisdom and context from your years of experience. Don't flee from your boundaries, but enforce them softly with redirection and reframing rather than hard consequences that the child can't make the connection with. One phrase I used a lot was "We can't control everything, sometimes we can't even control our feelings. But you can try to control your breathing (long, deep breaths have a physiological calming effect). And when you control your breathing, you can get control back of your body and mind."