Ask Lemmy

I have kids that are grown and kids that are little. Being a parent can bring both the best and hardest experiences in life.

The initial experience, especially between pregnancy and the first few months after birth, is dramatically different for men and women. And this is just one guys perspective.

I remember feeling kind of conflicted at first. Like I should feel more excited than I do. Everyone is congratulating me. My wife is super excited. Her body is changing. She's experiencing all this in real time and I'm just ...here.

Then the baby is born. You're pretty sure there is no way in hell a head that big is going to fit through a hole that small. It does, provided everything goes well. And now you're just exhausted 24/7 for at least the first year. "Oh no. What have we done? I think maybe this was a huge mistake." You knew things were going to change. Maybe even in a big way. But you didn't realize everything would change. Now you suddenly understand why that one couple that you guys used to hang with all the time stopped showing up to get togethers after their first was born. You have zero free time and the lack of sleep feels like it's shaving years off your life. Baby's just cry, eat, sleep, and poop. You secretly wonder "how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?"

Then something sort of magical happens. You're rocking the baby because it's being fussy. Probably because it's a Tuesday night, and that's the Tuesday night routine. All of a sudden, this little person just kind of snuggles up to your neck, sighs a satisfied little sigh, and konks out. And right there in that moment, your heart melts. I actually cried a little. I didn't want that moment to end. But end it must.

There are other similar moments in your future. But there are also more hard ones. Your baby grows up, faster than you expect. First to a toddler, when you sometimes ask your wife, "how old is too old to drop him off at the fire station?" And she responds, "I don't know, but if we leave now, we can probably squeeze in some cocktails and a movie before bed time."

Overall, they're pretty fun. Expensive, but fun. Then they get to be about 12 years old. Maybe 13 if you're lucky. They've idolized you up to this point. You've been the center of their universe. But no longer. Now, you are a loser who is always infringing on their plans and embarrasing them. That's ok. Its kind if your job. Your child has turned into the really overconfident drunk at the bar who believes she can "totally drive better after a few beers" and is currently trying to either fight or flirt with the jukebox. Maybe both. You're not sure which and asking will just get some eye rolling and dirty looks.

Your job is to snag her keys, plop her into an uber, and mutter, "Ok, buddy. Let's just get you home" with as little sarcasm as possible. Meanwhile, your wife is calling to ask, "how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?". If you're lucky, this scenario is just a metaphor. If not, you've got some ball busting to do. It's part of the job.

Eventually, the "overconfident drunk" sobers up and becomes an adult. And you know you've at least been a good role model the first time he calls to say, "Dad, I need help." You help him, as best you can. While trying and failing to hold back a tear that rolls down your face as you realize the little baby that you watched come into the world is now an adult.

Some of it can be incredibly bitter. But some of it is oh, so sweet. Being a parent is not for everyone. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.