this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2026
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It took me a while but eventually you will break free from the shackles that are your parents. You are your own person and you don’t have base your reality on what your parents told you as a kid.
are you sure about that?
People these days seem to loathe being independent adults. The amount of co-dependency on parents I see in 30 something adults is fucking mind-blowing.
As sure as death itself
It's because they can't afford to get out from under them, or at least can't do that AND have a decent quality of life. I know a number of people in their 30s who are still living with their parents or are only free of them because they inherited enough to set themselves up in a house. It's rough out there. Otherwise they are fully functional adults.
Copypaste lol (it just fits really well here too):
That's true as well several of those I mentioned are getting into the situation where they're having to care for their parents more and more.
That's typically an economic issue, not a personhood issue. Not that it's a bad thing to share housing between generations, it should be normalized as it was not long ago.
For us we have three generations under one roof because it works. Everyone pitches in, and having a grandparent around for occasional childcare is a godsend. Eventually we will be the carers as they get into advanced age. There was a period of learning to let go of individual cultural hangups, but we all got over it in our own time.
The idea of every couple having their own individual single-family home, kicking kids out the moment they turn 18, and letting grandma either fend for herself or go into a nursing home (which will swallow any inheritance that exists) is not just cruel, it's completely unsustainable.
Yeah. Also, someone has to take care of these older people. Like, putting myself as an example, my mom is in his 60s, and has plenty of aches and pains, suffers from spine, carpal tunnel, hip problems, hypotension, stomach sensitivity and can be depressive. My heart would break if I just abandoned her for the sake of "independency". That's not independency, that's being a fucking asshole.
Yeah, that's why that's a career for many people. Because most of us don't have the ability or skills to do that, so we pay someone who does to do it.
Why would I subject my mother to my shitty care, when I can pay a professional who has trained and worked with elder care their entire life who is really really good at it, and therefore she has a WAY higher quality of life in that home, than she'd ever have with me? She's be utterly fucking miserable living with me and me with her. I also literally don't have the time to be changing her diapers 6x a day, because I have a full time job and other responsibilities.
But right, anyone who treats their parents well by giving them excellent elder care from a professional is a fucking asshole, right. Why not force her to sit in her own shit 10 hours a day while I'm at my job.
Yeah, but they need way more than fucking physical cares, and still you can fucking hire a proffesional in caregiving to assist her in the house, without having to let her fucking alone.
Psychological cares greatly involves having a sane relationship with your cared ones, and that means fucking keeping them company and not send them anywhere else like they're fucking trouble to get rid of.
Plus, you're still talking from the priviledge that you can simply hire someone. Someone of us just can't do it because we barely can buy food, and we are the fucking majority of the world population.
So yeah, you're a motherfucking asshole.
Seems that way, doesn't it? They want me to send my parents to a care home that provides way way shittier care than we can (I've seen it firsthand). Oh and they steal the inheritance. Oh, and I'm the loser for finding a living situation that serves everyone in it
Based
oh, sorry do you have a professional nursing license? can you administer drugs, do physical therapy, do psych evals, and all that on top of feeding and wiping up parents asses for them because they are regressing to infanthood?
so amazing of you, they must be proud with your multiple professional medical accolades.
Yes? If your mom's doctor/nurses didn't walk you through the processes, they failed both of you.
And you're some dude who rages at people online because you hate your life?
maybe you should take that rage and turn it into something productive my dude. self-pity isn't a productive activity and your indulgence in it only make your life worse, and your moms. maybe work out, volunteer, etc. you have enough money apparently to have an active internet connection? dunno where you live but where I live a ISP fee can easily be $100+ and that's enough food for one person for a few weeks.
call it privileged all you want. as far as I'm concerned I busted my ass my entire life and now I get to chill and enjoy the fruits and comfort of my hard-labor that many of my peers refused to engaged in. and i'm laughing it all up.
you could also have spend your time raging here on applying for jobs, or getting job counseling or million other things to improve your life. but it's your choice to not do that. crash out online all you want i guess.
???
You have zero reading comprehension. You don't even try to understand a damn word I say, you just use damn fallacies, like the ad hominem you just threw at me, and you talk about it? Above you use the classic straw man fallacy, attacking the fact that although I am poor I have the internet because you know that my argument is correct. Pathetic.
I am from Venezuela, where the minimum wage is between $0.17 and $0.25. The Minimum Comprehensive Indexed Income, as the corrupt narco-government of my shitty country calls it, is $240, basically composed of bonuses they give to those they like. $740 is the basic basket. If in my house we pay for internet, it is because it is suicide not to have it: work, studies, banking, procedures, everything is digitalized. On top of that, I study Computer Engineering and work as a music producer. Guess what? Two of the industries most affected by AI. I hardly see any offers, even if my work is good, because people prefer to pay an AI company that steals my data and my creations (and those of billions of people like me). For all this, not only do I earn much less than $100 a month, but I am lucky to get a job every six months. Right now I've been out of work even longer than that, even though I search and search. I have the right then to want to shut up damned bastards like you, who are better off dead, that would do a huge good to the world.
Hi, I’m just saying sorry for having to take care of a parent. It’s a lot of work and something many of us have to face someday.
Thanks, but hey what do I know, apparently since I spend years helping with my mothers care, managing her money, fixing her legal mistakes, etc and not having her live with me in a 2 bed apartment and quitting my job to be her nurse and live in poverty with her... I'm a awful terrible person...
classic lemmy.
She has the same ability to get up out of her shit and improve her situation that her kids did at 18, depending on upbringing.
A lot of these sorts of discussions seem to center around an implicit social contract that people don't realize they're agreeing to on a minute by minute basis. It sort of works like a pension where the company goes bankrupt. Now everyone who was depending on it starts from scratch and all the investment (time, karma) is gone.
https://issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons/
what the fuck are you talking about? elders require care because they can't care for themselves. they regress into infancy as they age and their body/mind deteriorates. my mother had dementia and was nothing more than drolling infant before she died and she lived in taht state for over a year. and the facility she was in was full of people in various states of failing health that required professional care.
80 year olds can't improve their situation, they are slowly dying.
This isn't true of all old people.
Age alone can't be used as the only determining factor for having the capability for independence at either end of the age spectrum.
it's true of old people who need elder care.
fit and healthy old people don't live with their families nor do they live in care facilities. they typically live alone because they can.
I'm talking about emotional and financial co-dependency, like people who can afford to live on their own, who don't choose to do so because they are unable to leave the nest because they don't know how to function without their parent taking care of them.
Normalizing dependency is not a good thing. There is a reason 'living in your parents basement' is an insult, and it's not because of the economics of it. It's because it shows a lack of ability to grow and mature and have a functional adult life. If you are still seeking parental approval and living off the bank of mom and dad you're not a functional dult.
Nobody cares if a 22 year old is living at home while they sort out their first job and pay down their loans. But if you're doing that at 35+ and you have no plans to move out for the rest of your life, that's entirely different.
I suppose I'd have to disagree with that last statement, as someone who lives in a functioning multi-generational household lol. It's not going to work for everyone every time, depending on circumstances, but having 3 generations in the house pooling resources is how most of the world does it.
It certainly helps to have a separate space/entrance for privacy and such, but now that we're settled in, it's far better than it was when we were going it alone. We have everything covered between the 3 adults, and then some: I work, cover utilities, build stuff, cook repair and maintain everything that needs repair and maintenance. The wife stays at home with our toddler. Her mom covers the mortgage and occasionally babysits when we need it. The occasional family friend who needs a place to crash for a while contributes their bit. We make adjustments here and there to keep everyone happy and maintain fairness. Everyone wins in this arrangement, and there's no shame.
Your example is kind of an extreme trope IMO, I've only seen true "failure to launch" scenarios in media. I'm sure they exist somewhere, but it's not too big an issue to be moralizing about.
Glad it works for you, for other folks, like myself, it would be a waking nightmare to live that way. Not everyone gets along with their family. For some people, being away from family is the only way they can be healthy and happy. For many people their families are nothing but a burden on them and a drain on their well-being. Not everyone has the luck of having family that is supportive and cooperative. Some of us come from families where our parents actively tried to fuck us over and fucked themselves over and we spend our entire life trying to get out of the self-imposed misery.
Further, again I"m not talking about multi-generational households by free choice or other cultural practices. I'm talking about people who are dependents, like they can't function without their parents money or approval, and often are in toxic and abusive relationships with each other, where both parties would be better w/o the dependency.
I actually think this whole concept of independence is pretty bad for society. Americans are so isolated. I get people have shit families but we often have shit families because of this concept of independence being so important.
We have 0 sense of community in America and it stems from the me, me, me, my independence stuff.
Cool. I don't. I fucking love being independent and most independent people I know love it too. The most unhappy people I meet and have known were those who were co-dependent on their families, even if they were living alone, because they never developed emotional of fiscal dependence and a self of autonomy and self-actualization...
I don't have a lack of a sense of community at all. But I go outside of my house and do fun shit at least 2-3 times a week. I don't sit around on the internet complaining about how awful the world is and how awful my life is... weird how that works! Weird how being an independent self-actualizing adult is a really positive thing that makes life happy... and the alternative makes life miserable.
Almost as if you want to feel good about yourself you should... go outside and participate in life. Not sit around doom scrolling on a device in an online spaces in a cycle of self-pity and rage punctuated by bouts of feeling moral superior to other folks who don't share in your politics or lifestyle choices
Dunno why you're so aggro about it but okay. Nobody cares what you do and nobody is saying you don't do them. Relax.
There is a difference between independent, in a community and codependent. It isn't just codependent and independent.
You seem pretty angry though so maybe you should step back and think about why you're so mad at others saying independence isn't the greatest thing since slice bread lol
"let me tell you about how much I don't care about what you say"
are you sure you're not projecting your own anger here? entirely?
Community has nothing to do with it. You are either independent, or co-dependent on someone else. It's a choice you make.
But lemmy here tends to hate the concept of choice and responsibility, because you know, everything is an evil conspiracy by billionaires... lol
Whiny and angry. Yeah you definitely are not independent. Emotionally small and immature.
Shut up nobody cares.
you're the one calling me names.
and telling me to shut up.
maybe because you have nothing of substance to say in reply and it makes you upset and it causes your brain to feel not so good and you want to lash out?
Lol you're being such a wiener. Grow up and work on yourself kiddo
you're the one using playground insults? you are talking about yourself. giving yourself a little pep talk here it seems.
Okay pants pisser keep arguing in every comment you make because you're a small angry little man. Everyone in this thread meets you with normal conversation at first and then you continue to be a little ween and piss your pants about it. Shut up get a life
i'm just seeing if you come up with an insult/name that is funny.
Like why don't you call me a Ugly Chicken Nugget Fucker? It would at least be creative and kinda novel. also very on point for this greentext community interaction.
"Stop calling me names!" -continues to piss pants.
You don't understand anything. Your IQ must be fucking in negative numbers.
The fucking problem is that social mobility is a fucking myth, we're not all in the fucking privilege bubble you live in, and we're the majority.
You think finding a job is that easy? Even worse with the AI boom. And even if you find a job, it's more likely to be a bad-paid shit job where you spend more going to your place of work than you get paid in wages. Then there is the issue that house prices are increasingly going up while wages are not only stagnating, but falling.
Social mobility is not a myth dude. But keep telling yourself that if makes you feel better about your life.
It's true that many folks refuse to break the cycle of their misery. I've seen that countless times my entire life. Grew up in a shitty poor community full of people who fucked themselves over repeatedly, and well, I decided not to be like those people and my life got a lot better. And plenty of rich people out there actively choose to be miserable their entire lives. Money isn't really the issue, so much as the cycle of shitty self-destructive choices and the refusal to change your life.
No, finding a job isn't easy, but it's also much harder when you have a shitty low-effort attitude. I hire people at my company. Most people who apply shoot themselves in the foot because they don't know how to make themselves a appealing candidate.
Yeah well, that's why you better get a job where your wages increase, shouldn't you? Also why you should be saving and investing, and not blowing your money on short term bullshit like so many 'poor' people do.
Weird how many people I meet who are 35 and 'broke' who spend their entire life spending more than they made... funny how that works.