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For context: I had an uncle who was an alcoholic/addict, with his addiction being the result of immense trauma he suffered as a kid. He was fired from his job in the medical field after writing himself scripts, and made a genuine effort to turn his life around. He went to AA and other therapy, brought his sponsor/buddy to events where there would be alcohol, and generally took it seriously and worked to improve.
A few years later, we got a call in the early morning. He had overdosed and died after an argument with my aunt. It's unclear whether it was a relapse or if the overdose was intentional, and to be honest it didn't matter. My aunt was distraught, he was dead, and their kids now had no father. It was a horrific tragedy.
When I got up to ask what the phone call was for, my mother had a huge smile on her face. She thought his addiction was a moral failing that automatically made him a bad person, but she also judged him badly for needing AA and the buddy syatem to stay on track. She told us, with glee in her voice, that he had "finally killed himself".
It took everything in my power to not lay into her, which I didn't do only because I knew she would never change her mind. It was just the latest and worst example of her horrid behavior. I never told my aunt, but I did tell other members of my extended family when they asked why I didn't talk to them anymore.
Was your mom a right wing christian? cause that sounds like the kind of sadistic glee you only get from a right wing christian.
Extremely. She and my dad were Catholic, and she was so right wing that she forced us to find a new church because our pastor said that we should treat non-Catholics and non-christians with respect because good works, not belief, is the key to salvation and the best form of worship.
Sounds about right. No hate like christian love.
Jesus. That doesn’t sound like a momentary lapse in judgment the way you describe it, but a trait. Must have been horrendous. Well done for not turning out like that.
Yeah, it was not the first time I saw that kind of emotional sadism from her, but it was the one that made me realize that she literally thought some people deserved to die for things they ultimately had little to no control over.
Thankfully my dad is a bit more levelheaded (though he still enabled her) and I have a lot of extended family who also can't stand her. I credit them as being the main reason I didn't end up continuing the abuse cycle.
Those anchor points (stable people) are essential. It’s why I try to be less of an introvert these days. You never know who you’re helping just by being explicitly decent.