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A great example of what this Lemmite said is the fact that they got downvoted without a response.
In a face to face setting, the downvoter would need to interact with the speaker out they'd have to bad-mouth the speaker behind their back. Those are more social actions:
Interaction with the speaker would make it easier to find common ground.
Badmouthing the speaker would open the downvoter to criticism from other people in the conversation.
Or they take their friends and walk away in silence. Then less people listen to the original commenter because why would anyone listen to someone that's talking to nobody who's listening?
I can't say that my face-to-face interactions with people on contentious issues have been much better than my online ones, honestly, even when I am making a genuine effort to treat their concerns as reasonable and find common ground.
OP is talking about building communities. IRL interactions are situated in a context: a group of friends/neighbours/coworkers or an explicit community meeting.
When people are talking in that context, they think about the opinion of the rest of the group. Saying something unacceptable will burn bridges. Being impolite can do the same thing.
But interacting online typically doesn't have that risk. We split off into our echo chambers and align with people who share our beliefs, so there isn't a cost to saying something unacceptable.