this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2024
10 points (100.0% liked)
Ask Autistic People
92 readers
11 users here now
A community for anyone to ask autistic people questions: non-autistic people to learn about the autistic experience and autistic people to get information or validation from their peers.
Instance description for federated visitors
Rules
- Follow instance rules
- Text-posts only
- Questions must be directed at autistic people
- If you are answering a question and are not autistic, please state so in your comment. Otherwise, it is presumed the respondent is autistic.
Keep in mind: Autistic people are a diverse group with diverse experiences and perspectives. Not one represents the entire community.
founded 4 months ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I can answer this when I figure it out. For now, I know the following are characteristics of poor support of dangerous situations:
Too fast
Too good
Confusing
Not reciprocal
Highly focused on one thing
Contingent/conditional
Insisting
Lack of follow-through
They don't show care for your emotions intuitively
They tell you how you feel or why you did something
Your memory and theirs don't match; you start keeping track of your interactions
Different personas
Lots of explanations
You feel guilty/nervous around them
They talk more than you
They disappear
They leave things are your residence too soon
You meet at yours or their place only
You think that they're emotionally shallow
You feel bad about yourself/something is wrong with you
Hell, I'm cleaning out my closet, right here, right now!!
here we go
You're embarrassed when people that know you see you with themThey can't take criticism
When they do something that hurt you, you end up apologizing
THEY DON'T APOLOGIZE!!
It seems like they're copying you
You feel relief when you and them separate temporarily or permanently
You can't feel anything
They care what everyone thinks about them all the damn time
Personal opinions and preferences are moralized
Nothing is original
They deeply enjoy other's failures or embarrassments
They want to be the only person in your life
They don't take social risks
They treat people like NPCs
Disloyal
Everything is either right or wrong
Competitive af
Everything with them is backwards
You find yourself saying words like "everything" or "always" when discussing them
They don't have a stable group of friends or residence
They can't be alone
HIERARCHIES!!
They are proud of numbers!!
They're stagnant but promise improvement
King/Queen Mierdas
They're vengeful
You don't have to attack them because they embarrass themselves
Okay okay. I'm cool. Phew. Needed to get that out. Thanks ๐
Gonna go watch some validating videos of dam failures for a while. ๐
Note to self: I met a lady 1.5 years ago that told me all this and she was right about everything!! How can someone be 100% right?
Edit: After sleeping on it, I thought it necessary to point out that everyone does a few of these things, even autistic people. Doing a few of these things (except for gaslighting, King/Queen Mierdas, disloyal, & treating people like NPCs), doesn't make someone bad or nefarious. But the more of these characteristics are present, the unhealthier the relationship will be. In retrospect, I guess optimal relationships would have these less of these characteristics present.
I'm not done โ๏ธ
Cause I feel like the beast of burden
Promise or hint at an amazing futureLots of implied communication, nothing concrete
Celebration sabotage
Relationship sabotage
Rug pulls
Smear campaign
Categorizing people and hating
Focus on minute specifics rather than main message
Confusing grand gestures of affection
The relationship is transactional
Arguments are emotional, not logical
Trap you and fight
They can't art
Hurtful confessions are implied or humorous
There's a forced personality exchange
Their behaviors are justified; yours are indicative
Find a way to make you feel eternally guilty
A few of those items are only redflags if done in a specific way. For example about "non-reciprocal": if you are in a wheelchair and your partner is arachnophobic, it makes sense that you are the only one who takes care about dealing with spiders while your partner is the only one who helps you move around. I recommend that you start consulting this kind of list only when something starts to "not feel right", otherwise you'll poison all your relations before they even start (because there is no such thing as a perfect relationship). Still I'm no relationship expert, so take my advice for what it's worth.
I agree! Most people do some of the things on there sometimes. Sometimes someone does something that makes us think they're a bad person. Sometimes we make a promise and don't follow through. Sometimes we participate in a competition and try to win. And, sometimes we don't want to be alone. That's normal human behavior. However, if most of these are present most of the time, then it's a sign of a poor situation.