this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2023
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Autism
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Do they call themselves/identify as neurotypicals, or are you just calling them that?
It might be that you are assuming typicality when they have communication requirements you are failing to account for, making it hard for them.
They might enjoy deep conversation rather than small talk but find it difficult to engage with your approach. Maybe give them a little time and let them feel comfortable in the process rather than pressuring them?
You have some good points. I have assumed them as neurotypicals, for one reason or another.
Maybe, I could try being mindful of everyone's communication style. Trying different things, and seeing what works best for each person.
I don't think I consciously pressure them. I generally don't initiate deep conversation, as it has not always gone well in the past, so now I just mask with small talk, despite hating it. But I will try to be mindful of my approach nonetheless.
I'm not sure it is useful to label anyone as neurotypical. It's a point on a scale, a notional best fit, and not a reality. Sure, some people are closer to that point, but I find everyone has their own diversity.
You suggest trying different things, and I think that's a brilliant stalrategy.
My go-to is to ask people what they are really into. I ask it pretty bluntly.
That said, some folk, no matter what, just might not have much to say, so don't be hard on yourself.
Also, what are you really into?
You're perspective is good, because it's challenging my own perspective in a constructive way.
That might be the black and white thinking coming out. But it may also be the point I'm at. I'm frustrated, because I have a hard time connecting with others, and I'm trying to figure out why that is, and what I can do, to change that.
Yeah okay. I have a tendency towards self-criticism.
I like certain niche anime's, like Serial Experiments Lain, Ergo Proxy, and some not so niche but are interesting conceptually, like Psycho-Pass. I seem to find Japan interesting, despite the cultural issues they appear to have. I like psychology and philosophy, especially around trying to be the best person reasonably possible, and trying to let go, of what one cannot control. To challenge my unhealthy behaviours and thoughts, and guide myself to a more healthy outlook. I also seem to find anything that relates to understanding myself interesting, because I have struggled to understand why I always struggled, when others appeared not to. Even if what I saw of others was just a facade? I care a lot about trying to have a good quality of life, and building meaningful relationships with others. Though, I find the latter very difficult.
What are you really into?
I'm also enjoying this conversation because it is helping me think through ways of connecting and communicating.
You seem to work on self improvent in lots of different ways, and that is really commendable. Especially trying to understand yourself and the world through philosophy and psychology.
Anime! I'm afraid I only know a little... when I was younger I watched Fist of The North Star, and now I sit with my niece as she watches My Hero Academia. I'm very much a fan of studio Ghibli too. Are there any that you would recommend to someone like me? Casual and easier to get into?
I've always wanted to see japan, their culture is complex and fascinating. Their food is delicious.
I do read quite a lot of Japanese literature though. Have you ever encountered Kobo Abe? He's a writer, musician and artist. He Wrote a book called 'The Box Man'. It's a bout a man who one day moves into a large cardboard box and refuses to leave it. It is a little surreal, and funny and bleak at the same time. I'm not sure a Western writer could have pulled off such a work. It's also fairly short and there are good translations out there.
It really resonated with me when I found it hard to relate to the world, particularly socially.
As for what I'm into, I really, really geek out over modern art. I can't explain it, but I just find so much joy in looking at paintings and sculptures. I can spend hours alone with them and not really feel alone, or I can see things that I've never thought of. Some of it repulses me, but I've learnt to find enjoyment in that too. It's as deep as I want it to be. Sometimes it can be surface, "that's pretty" or sometimes it can be conceptual and philosophical.
For what it's worth, you come across as a a very clear and friendly communicator. I really appreciate the time you have taken to reply to me too. Thank you.