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(CW: Long text ahead)
I don't. It's just that somehow, my biological automata (a.k.a. body) keeps going despite my will to not keep going (as well as despite my attempts on... you know... things I can't describe).
I'm not exactly lonely in a literal sense, because my daily life is surrounded by a few people sharing the same blood as me. I'm lonely in such a way that I can't really rely on them to understand me, to understand my dilemmas. The generational differences are blatant between me and them, they're older than me, they can't grasp existential dilemmas raised from contemporary problems (such as climate change, dystopian technologies, etc).
So I know no one... anymore... Well, I used to know some people, but that's intriguing: suddenly, I got to know people that were unknown to me, then they become "friends" with me, just to suddenly becoming unknown again. Reasons may vary: betrayal of trust (e.g. lies, or things done behind my back), misunderstanding (I see things differently from them, we have different opinions) which escalates to a discord (it shouldn't, but seems unavoidable), or simply because I seem to be some NPC to them that they only interact when they need my resourcefulness (hence, I'm not really a friend to them).
Throughout my entire life, I never got to know what are these human phenomena called "friendship" and "love". The later is particularly extraterrestrial to me, and that's weird to state because I seem to know many seemingly-complicated things and terms like hapax legomena, pneumoultramicroscopicosilicovolcanoconiosis, zero-energy universe theory, ReLU and other activation functions, QTH (the ham radio operator's place), op-amp, Qlippoths... However, a seemingly simple four-letter word feels so extraterrestrial to me, this thing called "love".
Having said this, holidays haven't made any sense to me since I'm aware of it. Even my birthday isn't a thing I deem worth celebrating... Perhaps it's worth celebrating the closeness to my end of my existence? That's all.
How do I cope? Well, I tried many coping mechanisms.
"Happy" is not a term that I could use to describe my perception regarding the "new year". What's "new year", anyways, besides another complete circling around a star that's going to become Red Giant in the future? It's not even the same orbit due to the orbital decay, why think that this cosmic spot Earth is going to be (December 31st 2024) is exactly the same as the other cosmic spot it used to be (December 31st 2023)? It makes no sense. Everything seems purposeless, after all.
Yeah, I'm weird.