this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2025
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I don't get it. Everywhere I look there is this discussion about getting into a relationship, getting gfs/bfs and constantly chasing after it. And I'm not doing anything of it. I never paid attention to such stuff. During my teenage years, I thought it was normal attraction which people cave into and pursued such things. But now in my 20s, the same thing I observe, if not a little bit more than I used it. People getting sad because they are not finding someone. People being happy because they have one for themselves.

I'm not that career focused either. I just mind my own business. If it's studying or working, I just mind that. I do nothing like checking out girls in my school/workplace like my peers do. Maybe I'm just scared to pursue such things. I also think having a relationship is a huge headache too. Meeting them, making them happy, going out with them regularly. (I don't go out myself where will I take her to?). All of this while doing your daily stuff.

Am I wrong thinking to put career first before I get into relationships and stuff?

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's fair, though op definitely sounds like they may be on the ace spectrum or a late bloomer in that context. There's waiting for self sufficiency to pursue relationships and then there's wondering why people in their 20s are so focused on romance.

I was self sufficient when I married in my mid 20s, but it usually takes a few years of romantic experience before someone marries.

And I guess slim may not have been the best word, drastically reduced might be better. The romantic scene has a few time periods of your life with dramatic changes to it. And what and when is cultural but itll happen. I remember when around the time I graduated college suddenly half my tinder matches had kids. In my 30s a lot of single people my age are divorced. Not all by any stretch, but notably many. As you get older and older widows start entering the picture.

None of this is inherently bad and they shouldn't get into a relationship just because they're worried they won't be able to later, but waiting can make it harder and it's something to be prepared for if they aren't just asexual

[–] LucJenson@lemm.ee 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Solid clarification and expansion there.

For the sake of expanding on cultural/social differences in other places, here in South Korea, most folks i see on dating apps in their 30s are without kids.

It's in the 30s that most relationships turn serious and get married.

I know two people here who got married in their 20s and had kids. Even the one who got married in their early 20s is open about how she maybe rushed into it.

My time in Canada supports everything you've said, mind you. If I hadn't experienced life here in Korea for so many years, I'd probably wholeheartedly agree without realizing that without knowing where OP lives, it's hard to describe what their potential dating windows are.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 9 minutes ago

Ok yeah that tracks. I hear south korea is a particularly extreme case of that too. My assumptions that op wasn't from such a culture were largely bases around their comparing themselves to others in their culture doing differently from them