this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Wait, you think you couldn't beat a giraffe?
One punch from my scrawny nerd warrior arms and that fucker would shrug then donkey kick me half way across the fucking Serengeti.
No, you're approaching this the wrong way. You run towards it at full speed, then get a 45° angle and jump. While doing so, you grab their neck like a pole, and use the force to hoist yourself upon their back.
You either already killed them with this move, or you're now on their back and holding their throat. There's nothing a giraffe can do to throw you down or attack you now. You can just choke, and choke, and keep choking it until it falls to its knees.
You lost me at "run". Can I bring my inhaler or does that count as a tool?
Oh, you're American? I guess you could drive your scooter up specifically designed ramp to reach their back. Though I feel most animals wouldn't stand a chance against you guys on their back.
Their neck starts at 3 meter height tho.
Not the necks of teenage giraffes!
It can roll over. Do you like your legs? Besides, unless you're a lion, good luck jumping up there. And even then, you're not choking a giraffe out. Their neck is basically only muscle.
Am I stupid, or did I miss the "rolling over"? I just saw the giraffe lady down while saying "choke me harder daddy"
Are you a 150kg murder machine with claws that can high jump several times it's size? Even then, the lion got thrown off not once, but twice. Thinking you could fight a giraffe and win is dellusional
Lions cannot jump several times their height. They can leap forward several times their height and length. Not straight up. https://images.app.goo.gl/NhdZC
No, I lost some weight, so not quite. What lions have in claw strength, I however have in elbow strength!
Aww, I must have missed her.
That's a typo I'll gladly keep!