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My dad is... complicated, and I could tell a lot of insane stories. But the memory that is haunting me is how he said "we won't wait when war starts", in Russian. It made no sense. I overheard it as a part of some conversation with my mother (maybe other grown ups as well) when I was a kid and I asked what he meant and he claimed he didn't remember saying that. I believe him that he didn't remember. But it was odd, it's not something he would say. Neither he, nor my mom, nor their friends are political people talking about war, ever. It was said casually, but no one ever casually talked about war or politics over here. This was 25 years ago. I kept thinking about it for years and years again, trying to grasp what it meant, what it might have meant, and why it stuck with me so much, why I couldn't get it out of my head, why I couldn't let it go.
It was also painfully screaming in my head when Russia attacked Ukraine in 2022. It's like it was an eerie foreshadowing but I still don't know. I have so few memories of my childhood, why did this one stay? Why do I see and hear him say this? What did he mean with "we won't wait"? Did he mean we won't wait for the war to start or we won't wait when the war will have started? Both are possible interpretations in the Russian wording. What are we waiting for? Are we still waiting? What should we be doing?
I keep going back to this one stupid sentence and this memory is ringing in my ears. What does it want to tell me to do? I know I need to do something, I just can't figure out what.
This could all depend on where you're living. I get the impression you're in a country that may have been or may currently be an enemy of Russia (or thought of as a threat by those running Russia right now). If that's the case, could your folks be Russian ops in some form?
They would have stopped having those sorts of conversations around you as you got older and they'd deny that they said anything of the sort for those you did remember.
The phrase "we won't wait (for) when the war starts" could mean that they're going to do whatever they need to do even if there's no actual guns, bombs and fighting going on. You know. Cold war things.
There's that phrase that Khrushchev allegedly said about the US, for example. Putin has revived all of that. Assuming it ever went away.