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154

When do the grief nightmares stop? (lemmy.world)

submitted 6 days ago by darkishgrey@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

43 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Basically the title.

Not to trauma dump, but my mom died almost exactly a month ago. I was with her for her last hours and it was...as peaceful as it could be, honestly. The facility was so nice and the hospice nurses did a wonderful job at keeping her comfortable. But her lungs were pretty damaged from the flu and lung cancer, so there was also a lot of gasping and breathing struggles, and the last two hours were especially rough (for her and for me).

I know I have some kind of acute traumatic something or another because of it. I can handle the daily intrusive thoughts and I do try to sit with my feelings as they happen.

But the nightmares are terrible. Out of the 29 days since she died, I've had nightmares for at least 23 of them. They range from disturbing to straight up "waking up feeling like I'm actively being chased by a serial killer" panic-inducing.

I have them at night, and I have them if I take naps during the day. It's getting to a point where I'm afraid to sleep because I just don't want to see those things or feel those feelings.

Has anyone else dealt with this? When did it stop for you?

P.S. I'm in therapy, and I know everyone is different. I'm just trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

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[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

All trauma and people are different. I'm not prescribing anything.

When i was going through mine from a severe work accident i had to not just sit with the feeling and adrenaline waking up after watching meaningless gore-filled horror shows in my dreams but push into it. Feeling it as hard as i possibly could telling myself that I WANTED and NEEDED to feel it, trying my best to think about every detail of it. It was horrible to experience that, but in the moment i was focused on seeing my trauma and getting to know it.

It seemed the deeper into it i went the faster it receded over time. The worst of it, fits of adrenaline filled crippling anxiety, went from daily to null over 3 years. The wincing about the thought dulled over the following few. I settled at some point on just having a heightened internal sense of empathy. It's probably why i avoid a lot of visual format social media.

I hope you find a method that works for you. You may not get back to your old normal but you can get to a normal where you can live life in whole again free from this pain.