Ask Lemmy

36831 readers

986 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

6) No US Politics.

Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

Bluetreefrog@lemmy.world

TheSaneWriter@lemm.ee

TheSaneWriter@lemmy.thesanewriter.com

Asudox@lemmy.world

lemmy_bot@lemmy.world

beefbaby182@lemmy.world

ModeratorCan@lemmy.world

neidu3@sh.itjust.works

asudox@lemmy.asudox.dev

candyman337@lemmy.world

candyman337@sh.itjust.works

153

When do the grief nightmares stop? (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 days ago by darkishgrey@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

43 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Basically the title.

Not to trauma dump, but my mom died almost exactly a month ago. I was with her for her last hours and it was...as peaceful as it could be, honestly. The facility was so nice and the hospice nurses did a wonderful job at keeping her comfortable. But her lungs were pretty damaged from the flu and lung cancer, so there was also a lot of gasping and breathing struggles, and the last two hours were especially rough (for her and for me).

I know I have some kind of acute traumatic something or another because of it. I can handle the daily intrusive thoughts and I do try to sit with my feelings as they happen.

But the nightmares are terrible. Out of the 29 days since she died, I've had nightmares for at least 23 of them. They range from disturbing to straight up "waking up feeling like I'm actively being chased by a serial killer" panic-inducing.

I have them at night, and I have them if I take naps during the day. It's getting to a point where I'm afraid to sleep because I just don't want to see those things or feel those feelings.

Has anyone else dealt with this? When did it stop for you?

P.S. I'm in therapy, and I know everyone is different. I'm just trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Knitwear@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It's shit. It's really really shit. I'm so sorry.

I was by my mother's side as she passed. No one tells you about the noises and sounds, how the way they hold their face changes, how their breath becomes a wheeze, and becomes a really quite unusually loud gasp, so loud and uncomfortable that you're amazed it doesn't wake them, and then shallows further and further until it stops. No one tells you how quickly we lose our heat. There are so many tiny yet striking new experiences that you somehow have to fold into your broader lifelong experience of them as a person, as your mother, that it takes time to process. Their death is such a tiny fragment of who they were, time can help contextualise that

Until then, it's shit.