this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2026
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What to do with 4yo when we put down the cat? (fedia.io)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Maestro@fedia.io to c/parenting@lemmy.world
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I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).

In a few weeks we'll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We're wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he's in school? What's appropriate for a 4 year old?

On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don't mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don't want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.

Any tips?

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[–] buttmasterflex@piefed.social 9 points 3 weeks ago

We unfortunately had a more traumatic experience for our kids when my first cat, Luna, died. I found Luna in the basement under the workbench, unconscious and barely breathing. My wife held Luna in her lap while the kids (2 and 4 at the time) got to pet her and say goodbye. Luna died while we were all petting her. Our 4 year old was extremely upset for weeks after, and we ended up getting her a cat stuffy that looked like Luna to help her cope. Our younger kid has zero memory of it happening.

All of this is to say, I would not recommend having your 4 yo present, but do give him the chance to say goodbye in his own way and make sure he understands that your cat will be gone forever.