this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2026
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What to do with 4yo when we put down the cat? (fedia.io)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Maestro@fedia.io to c/parenting@lemmy.world
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I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).

In a few weeks we'll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We're wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he's in school? What's appropriate for a 4 year old?

On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don't mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don't want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.

Any tips?

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[–] Scipitie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 3 weeks ago

Feeling with you, stranger friend!

Serious tip: don't traumatize your child by making it over the top traumatic and they'll be fine!

Your instinct is correct, kids have an amazing grasp on life and death.

I had and have the same topic with my back then three year old. I won't go into details but death is a topic for quite a while now.

Be open, be honest and don't shy away from translating it to his level: If he had a favorite toy that got destroyed it's an emotional connection he can make for example.

One important thing for me to point out though because it caught me as a shock: true empathy is impossible for a kid that age. Meaning: the chance is high that hell say something that will be completely out of the blue or shocking - expect it and don't be too harsh please, even when he'll manage to trigger something ❤️