this post was submitted on 05 May 2026
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some foods need bibs (or eatin' shirts) and that's okay.
i can't remember what it was we were eating, but i smoked something good (it was our first time using cherry, and i was hungry). probably SLC ribs. i warned my wife she might want to move down the table a little bit because there was going to be a splash zone this meal (i had just dripped a big drop of food onto my lap, rolling all along my shirt, as was foretold by prophecy). her response was to dip her finger into her bbq sauce bowl and then flick it at me :3
I have an unknown eating disorder, in which it seems impossible to eat anything without dripping it on my shirt. I suspect a lot of others have this disorder as well. It's a secret American tragedy, hidden in shame.
I actually keep a hand towel in my car (I've got dozens of them for my job) and I take it in when I'm eating at Chipotle or something. It embarrasses the shit out of my son, but I always point out that I'd rather look dumb for an hour in a restaurant, than have to look stupid everywhere I go, because I'm wearing my lunch on my shirt.
When we finish, I always show him my "bib," so I can demonstrate all the drips that would have been on my shirt. He thinks I'm pathetic, but that's normal.
so i've had a "benign tremor" my entire life so i just wear patterns that make the spills hard to notice. hawaiian shirts, stuff like that. i have a couple shirts that repel water and food stains and shit. i have to leave for an appointment but i'll get you the fabric blend.
one is 65 cotton 33 poly 3 spandex, two are 58 cotton 42 poly. if i spill food on these (and my family very literally has an urban legend about my mom eating a chili dog that has spread around the western US and part of el caribe, this is an heritable trait) it wipes right off, no stain. normally I'm a natural fibers, natural, breathable fabrics dude but when there's a specific use case like yours (or mine i guess) it's worth it to have a few microplastic-shedding shirts that keep us tidy.