So I did read a bit about narcissism a while after splitting up with my ex (after she claimed she'd read about narcissism and her new boyfriend ticked a bunch of boxes and she told me about them and they were all things she did to me). Apparently there are subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. Some see themselves as literal gods while others absolutely resent themselves.

Then there's this one and I think that's also the one you were thinking of:

Compensatory narcissist Seeks to counteract or cancel out deep feelings of inferiority and lack of self-esteem; offsets deficits by creating illusions of being superior, exceptional, admirable, noteworthy; self-worth results from self-enhancement.

My ex ticks so many goddamn boxes.

1. Spends more money than she (or realistically, her partner she mooches off of) can afford to. Always shows off new things, but then sells them for cheap so she can buy other new things.

2. Sometimes wants to help people... Except nobody wants her help because she keeps bringing it up afterwards. For months, if not years.

3. Has to have multiple sexual partners, but also NEEDS her partner to be committed to monogamy and loyal so she can feel in control.

4. Constantly talking shit about her friends and what she considers stupid decisions or physical or personality flaws on their part. A lot of the time she accuses her friends of doing things she does (theft, cheating, prostitution, etc). Insults her friends behind their backs for being overweight even if she's no different. etc.

Our entire life together was a game of keeping up with the Joneses. Over the course of 2 years we had like 50 baby strollers, nearly half of them were bought new. Which she always had to show to her friends. There was a lot of other shit too, but this bullshit bothered me more than all the lying and cheating. Now that her new boyfriend also left her (or she left him - depends on who she's talking to), she's telling me about job opportunities she has (has been unemployed for months, why not take one already?) and what car she's planning to buy for money that someone's apparently gonna lend her... While she's crashing on someone's couch because she was kicked out for not paying rent for several months.

There are so many other things, to the point that she's a danger to people around her, both physically and emotionally. But she'll never admit it to herself and get help :/ And unfortunately, until my kid's old enough to decide not to see her, we have to have shared custody because she doesn't do drugs and physical violence is pretty hard to prove after the fact.