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Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 11 hours ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[–] SkaraBrae@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

You'll probably feel that way for a while. Try to not hold on to it. Carrying resentment and anger around is like deliberately filling your life with negativity. It's draining and will leave you emotionally and physically exhausted.

You may eventually find that it's a blessing that so many people showed you their true colours in such a direct way. You have a clean slate. Start surrounding yourself with people that are supportive and empathetic. You can choose who your friends are. Make good choices. Move slowly. Trust your gut.

You'll be okay, friend. Good luck.