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Do you feel you’re being pragmatic as well? Maybe one of you SHOULD be the pragmatic one.
Do you have kids? Are you the breadwinner? Will you be spending HER money? There’s SO MANY specifics that you’re leaving out.
Should your wife love and support your dreams? absolutely!
Should she do so to the detriment of your wellbeing? Absolutely not.
My wife has also behaved in this way, but often it's because she doesn't have the same level of acceptance of risk or the same desire to invest, for example. One day I started out on my own, and when she realised that I was "all-in" for real, she helped me a lot and was supportive. Now, she allows me to ask myself questions that I don't ask myself with my go-getter nature, she allows me to take a step back, but sometimes I also decide in good conscience not to follow her warnings... It's all about listening and learning, but sometimes it's also about taking the risk alone !
Take the risk alone and share the profit, nice marriage you have there
I had the same. Just cracked on with it to prove it was viable. She was fed up of me packing orders while watching tv in the evening and before I started work. Eventually had her help me at weekends and she was first to quit 9/5 to work full time. Was 13 years ago and it’s a 12m business now that we share but I run the day to day.
Sometimes you just need to jump and prove to her and yourself that you into something.
I don't have a wife, but I have a longtime girlfriend that acts similarly. I'm sure you know this, but she's most likely coming from a place of caring with an intent to protect. That being said, if you start your idea on your own and can get away with it without it affecting her or causing her to worry, why not? She doesn't HAVE to be included. Sacrifice some free time and do it yourself. She only NEEDS to know about the decisions that are life altering. If you're confident in your ideas, when it eventually works, she'll realize that she was worrying too much. If you need the feedback or a person to bounce ideas off, I'd attempt to find a buddy that's just as passionate as you are. Just because you've decided to spend forever with her, doesn't mean she's the best business partner.
Whenever somebody asks me what if, how you gonna do this that I keep repeating "Don't worry , everything is under control"
You ask for opinion. She give opinion. You don’t like her opinion.
Tf do you want?
Do you hire a QA or bug tester, and then whatever pointed by them you just dismiss it?
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you find middle ground, if at all?
Yes. If you have a truly good idea that really changes things or does something new, most people will react this way. I got this kind of reaction even from seasoned innovators and entrepreneurs in my industry for an idea that ended up being very successful.
My husband is like this, but mostly on home renovation projects. Really does burst my bubble so I do understand where you’re coming from.
But it is his way of being helpful; he’s an engineer and that’s just how he thinks. He wants every edge case accounted for. I’m the one that charges forth and figures things out as I go, because my eyes glaze over from pure boredom if I don’t.
There is a window of time where I am open to critique and want to integrate it. The rest of the time, I’m already working on my plans and it’s too late to make changes. Are you asking her for advice? If not, you can also say that you’re not looking for advice, but to vent. If she’s just giving her opinion at random times, I think you need to communicate to her it’s not helpful at certain times.
The second thing is — do you have your finances in order? Does she feel safe with you taking entrepreneurial risks? Do you have a timeline for when you see need to see profits versus when to call it quits and get a job? Do you have savings? And how long of a runway? I can’t tell if this is just a communication thing or whether she’s worried about going broke.
Don't share anything when it comes to entrepreneurship or ideas with her
It's clearly that you want to pursue something that she doesn't
Just get over it and start taking action
Girls are just stupid and don’t know anything. They can only see themselves so understanding you is way too hard. You’re supposed to get a boring job where your cucked by your boss so you be submissive to her while she sits around in her bubble
You don’t need to talk about your business ideas with your wife.
Also, most women like to feel a sense of security as a result of them being in a relationship with a man. Discussing hypothetical business ideas with them is not always a good match. That shit does not feel secure.
Just my two cents.
Is your wife my wife? Sorry you are going through this I am in the same boat. Probably will just be a W-2 slave forever and not upset the apple cart. Good luck I hope you do better than me!
10 years in and I had ALOT of negativity from friends and family when I was talking about ideas. So what I did was say fuck them, I’m the Captain of my own ship and I’ll stop at nothing. I quit my job and start my own business. I didn’t tell a soul until 2 months later. That way I was already balls deep and Boone could try to talk me out of it. I tripled my salary in 4 years.
Im reading this book called awaken the gaint within from tony robbins. In the start it talks about what we associate pain and pleasure to is ultimately the driving force for all our decisions and actions.
Now as an individual (you) who aspires to have dreams and goals ( as you associate pleasure to the outcome of success with some reference points, maybe someone else who has been successful) and pain ( wife referring to negative outcomes and fear of losing it all and the worst scenario ) , it your choice on how to go about it.
Maybe imagine the pain of not taking action and in 10-15 years when you look back, the regret you’ll have for not taking action regardless of success will be far greater than trying and failing.
Its all about what you associate the pain and pleasure to. You know we all hear that someone who has been at true rock bottom truly recognizes what pain feels like and are usually the most successful is because they have neurologically associate extreme pain to being at rock bottom and take on multiple failures in the path to success. Some not all kids whose parents have given them comfortable life dont end up doing so great, is because they cant associate pain with not taking action, as they are already comfortable with where they are.
But some realize this and aspire and aim high and associate pain with where they are , and that is their driving factor.
So wife isnt the problem, she is just naive and is only associating pain to financial loss, but its your choice, be an average and conformable or fear the opportunity cost you’ll end up paying for not taking action!
Good luck with your endeavours!
Sorry bro, but you're married and what happens to you is tied to your wife's life as well. When you are single its easy to say "fuck the haters, I'll deal with problems when they arise." When you have someone who depends on you its a lot different.
Some business ideas and methods are dumb and are bound to fail right out of the gate. "Believing" in yourself isn't enough to remedy that no matter how positive you are. I don't know what your business ideas are, but any idea that isn't proven deserves to be challenged.
His wife is going to be a constant hindrance and drag him away from his goals. If he fails she will say I told you so.
If he succeeds, she will claim and tell everyone it was because of her support he succeeded. If the business does really well she'll take off with half.
Take all the negativity and share the profits, that's what a marriage is now
How can you tell so precise what she will say?
His financial loss is her loss as well, also affects their kids (in case they have any). Talking about dreams like they are teenagers. It’s absolutely normal to discuss financial efforts that will probably be taken together, cause they are a family.
To be honest, sounds to me more like a marriage problem from the OP, not like a way of finding solutions for dealing with the business, but dealing with weather going on the same path with the wife that changes or concerns about specific aspects of the business that involves a way different life of both of them.
It sounds like you might be living in the dreamy idea phase and not the execution phase, especially if you don’t want to talk about practicalities. That can get old fast to action-taking people. And if you’re starting by using money or time that would cause a burden to her, it makes sense for her concerns to be taken into account before proceeding.
Keep in mind a woman’s first priority is safety and security. Plan accordingly.
People always immediately jumping to the worst possible outcome is draining. Sure it can make you more aware of it, but I find an excess of negativity is bad for motivation.
On a slightly related note, it’s something I’ve noticed about a lot people who weren’t considered intelligent doing well in business. They just go out and do it and aren’t considering the pitfalls like someone else might. Not saying that’s the best way to do it of course, but I’ve seen it work for some.
Ultimately the best way is some balance, but good support from those closest.
Negativity is draining af. Far outweighs any potential benefits imo. Your risk tolerances may be very different.
You sound a lot like a couple I know. In this case, the husband has lots of hairbrained ideas, and he gets frustrated at his wife for not supporting them. You sure she isn’t saving you from bad ideas?
Or, she might just be scared.
Can you share some examples? It’s hard to know from this post alone whether she’s being negative or realistic. Sometimes as the recipient the two can feel the same.
The game doesn’t end when the Queen falls, but when the King does. A Queen can not make you a king, but a King can make a women a Queen.
Build your empire. The rest will follow
She does think she is helping. I have one of those helpful wives. I found you need to context set the conversation like you would a meeting an an organisation. “I have a the start of an idea i am exploring, before i start i will go through all the risks and mitigate those but i need to first think positively about it to explore the possibility before thinking if the negative and risks. Right now i am trying to see if there is value in the offer, can you help me think through the user and what they might love about this so i can see how good this be?
My wife would yell at me for buying $10 domains which I built into an 8 figure business. She doesn’t complain anymore. Prove her wrong while ignoring her. I LOVE throwing that in her face
Whether she's positive or negative, is she right?
It’s good that she is being pragmatic but from what it sounds like, it sounds like she doesn’t have the entrepreneurship spirit. People closest to you will tell you your idea is bad before they say it’s good. For me personally, I couldn’t be with my partner if they didn’t support or have the same spirit I do.
I'd ask her to get a therapist. Being in service does look like offering up potential negative outcomes, but not catastrophically. "Data from the BLS shows that approximately 20% of new businesses fail during the first two years of being open, 45% during the first five years, and 65% during the first 10 years. Only 25% of new businesses make it to 15 years or more."
So the likelihood is you will fail.
understood
Many people are risk-averse and some have no business sense. Personally, I don't usually involve my wife anymore because she doesn't get it but my pursuits have always made more money than her day job, so she can't really complain.
Got the same exact problem, wife keeps pushing negativity but I like to believe that if I left her out of the business then it’s best for both of us. She doesn’t have to worry and I get to work in peace. (People often find middle ground if they care enough)
Find your like minded circle and talk to them instead.
Technically it is wrong for you to have an expectation from anybody to board a ship for a risky journey except your employees.
Dont tell that bitch anything. If I listened to my wife I would still be working in a factory lol!
Her job is to help you by working and helping pay bills or taking care of the kids.... take your pick hahahahah!
Have you considered that you are living in different places in time?
Some people often think about the past, some people are really in the present, and some people live in the future.
You seem like the type of person who lives in the future, imagining scenarios and how you would overcome them. So you're starting from the success point and reverse engineering the solution.
She might be living more in the present, thinking about how to go from this moment to what you want to achieve. That leads to her thinking about problems and what's unrealistic from today's perspective.
Try to not see this as her not believing in you. She wouldn't give you her opinion if she didn't care. See it as another perspective and try to use it to your advantage, but you are the one that needs to believe in yourself in the first place. If you truly did, it wouldn't affect you that much to write a post on Reddit.
I have the exact same dynamic with my wife, I’ve realized it’s time to stop running ideas by her, it’s up to me to execute without needing her to sign off on them. Then when it works out she can be pleasantly surprised.
You married the wrong woman
Figure out a way to invert the dynamic. Say something like here's my idea what do you think are some of the issues and do you have any thoughts on how to address them?
Read Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono. A LOT of people ONLY contribute by wearing the black hat. This framework provides a great way for discussing ideas in a more productive way. TBH you probably don’t need to read the book, just google it for the basic jist.
I’ll take your word for it that she’s going too far and isnt just helping you find holes in your plans. My wife is also overly cautious. Lots of sexual differences in risk tolerance. Instead of involving your wife every step you could have a talk about risk tolerance and you take the lead from there.
I think you should value your wife's input more. Any success I have ever had was by holding the worst case scenario in mind at all times and making smart decisions. If you're driving near a cliff, do you not want to see the cliff so you know where to not drive off? If either of you is too emotion-driven I think it's you.
Fire her.
Is there a history of any of these creative ideas being carried out, where it takes time and money, but end up failing or fizziling out? If so, this may be an issue of mistrust or resentment. Do you need her input or approval or do you want her involved for sake of being close? Identifying the root issue is really important here. What is the fear that is driving the negative outlook on your creative ideas