this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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top 50 comments
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[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 122 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] SoupBrick@pawb.social 33 points 5 days ago (1 children)

8 consecutive gut punches.

[–] SSUPII@sopuli.xyz 39 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

This is the funniest thing I have read all week

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 40 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

I know from experience that the fuckshed dudes know how to fuck good. Their fuck shed is usually even nicer than the bedroom in their house/apartment.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 36 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I'm gonna need you to verify these

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago

"Sex area" sounds like ChatGPT's gone steamy, only to give up five prompts later.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 22 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

Van fuckers are just shed fuckers who have not yet settled down and gotten a fuckshed.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

What if you have a fuck van and a fuck shed?

...asking for a friend

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[–] Rooty@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

Once I manage to gather enough savings I'm designing a sex attic. Just need to insulate the roof and put in some heating.

[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 days ago

Wood shed? Bus stop? Library?

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 37 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Every day is learning day here on lemmy.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago (3 children)
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[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 39 points 5 days ago (5 children)

You guys actually get matches?

Goddamn. Here I am in straight world with exactly one match in an entire year that wasn't a bot.

Eh

Fuck it the apps are scams anyway

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 35 points 4 days ago (3 children)

If you download Grindr, you too can have an inbox full of poorly lit bathroom dick pics and people asking you if you know where they can get hard drugs!

It’s less a “dating” app, and more a way for “straight” men in denial of their sexuality to find dl fun.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 13 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Almost makes me wish I was gay. Getting some strange would be easier at least lol

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 29 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Grindr doesn't have matching. You just see a profile you like and message them directly.

That's probably why it actually works.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

That's how Hinge works also. The reason Grindr works is that men are more likely to be down to fuck in the Wendy's bathroom with a stranger.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 32 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (16 children)

Sounds like you need to work on your profile and set of pics. Many years ago I logged into PoF as a woman and was stunned at how bad the other guy's profiles were.

  • Write something humorous, make your post amusing, doesn't have to be LOL funny

  • Don't list anything you find unacceptable, too negative

  • Don't list anything you have to have in a partner, too demanding

  • Post a wide variety of pics, get a couple of your very best, but get some day-to-day pics in there, looks more honest that way

  • Also post pics where you're in action, engaged in an activity you like, write about activities you enjoy, show yourself doing those things

  • NO: Guns, dead animals, motorcycles, trucks or other vehicles you wish to show off

  • No pics that include other women, no matter who they are. I'd try to leave male friends out as well.

  • Don't talk about being lonely, wanting to share your life with someone, nothing emotional, sounds needy, that comes later

  • No need to come with your life story, they're reading your profile to see if you're an interesting person today, not where you came from

  • Do what I did and sign in as the opposite sex (sorry, been assuming you're a man looking for a woman), read their dumb profiles, don't do those things

  • Once you get it down, splatter that profile across several websites. You catch more fish with multiple hooks in the water.

  • One final note, when you get matches, chat very briefly, ask for the date. Women out there are seriously frustrated with guys that seem to only want to talk, talk, talk. Get that date set before someone bolder asks her out!

Sorry for making so many assumptions. If this doesn't help you, maybe someone else can get use out of it. For context, I was 50-53 and pulling so many dates the neighbors were making fun of me over all the women in and out of here. Also, I'm short and scrawny, non-rich and my vehicles are 20+ years old. :)

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[–] raptorattacks@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Grindr doesn't really have a "match" system. You can send a message to anyone whose profile you can see (unless/until they block you). Think of it less like a traditional dating app and more like an interactive billboard of horny people in your area.

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[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I met my wife on IRC. Try that!

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[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago (2 children)

You have no idea how much I wish I was more gay.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 20 points 4 days ago

Sending you my gayest thoughts.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 17 points 4 days ago (2 children)

More gay? More gay than what?

[–] ComradePorkRoll@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

More gay than you! HA!

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago (3 children)

More gay than the gay I currently am

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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 48 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I would like to introduce tentacle guy to tranquilizer man.

[–] razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 5 days ago

That’s how you end up with the nightmare that seemed really real…or with the next conversation that ends up on Grindr’s Greatest Hits compilation.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 5 days ago (1 children)

As a pansexual man, men are the worst. If it wasn't mandated by evolution, I don't know why women would put up with us.

[–] Ifera@lemmy.world 51 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Ugh, casual sexism. Look at the bottom of the barrel, and judge an entire gender by the way those behave.

A lot of guys, gay or otherwise, don't think or behave like that. And by your own definition, you're also the worst. Sucks to have that terrible self esteem, but don't lump me up with your self-hating ass

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Try an experiment: go on Fetlife and setup a profile as a fem. Start collecting DMs. It might be enlightening.

And by your own definition, you’re also the worst.

Yes, you're very smart.

[–] Ifera@lemmy.world 30 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (8 children)

Open garbage can > Look in > Mostly garbage.

How very insightful of you, mate.

There are some amazing people in FetLife, and in Grindr too. But like I said before, looking at the very bottom of the barrel and judging a whole gender based on it, that is beyond stupid.

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[–] BigBenis@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago

As a human being, human beings are the worst. If it wasn't for our tendency to completely dominate our environments, I don't know why the world would put up with us.

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[–] TommyJohnsFishSpot@lemy.lol 30 points 5 days ago
[–] pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Jesus. This whole post needs more jpeg.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 23 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Are any of these real? I really want them to be but also what please no

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 19 points 5 days ago

make a grindr account and find out.

[–] CXORA@aussie.zone 14 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Why would the first one work on me. Do i have no self preservation instinct left.

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