this post was submitted on 17 Mar 2026
310 points (99.7% liked)

RPGMemes

16356 readers
739 users here now

Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 31 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Summon 8 monkeys, command half of them to attempt to stabilize the Paladin. They'll probably be fine for a round if they just went down

[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The bad news is the monkey's poor rolls mean they didn't stabalize the paladin. The good news is they found a typewriter and have a pretty good rough draft going on the complete works of Shakespeare.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

oh no one of the monkeys just murthered the pally with the typewriter. you got a script signed Chris Marlowe though

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ambiguous "they"s make it look like you want those monkeys to fellate the paladin

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I could change it to not be ambiguous, but this is funny to me so I'm leaving it

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago

Cure Wounds has a verbal component, but since the monkeys can't speak they substitute an oral component

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If you heal the paladin what stops the enemies from downing him again before his next turn?

With 8 monkeys you’ve seriously contributed to the action economy and it’s going to take a lot of effort to kill them all, then you can revive the paladin.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Make a concentration check

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You failed your check: your druid forgot what he was about to do with the downed paladin and tries to summon 8 monkeys.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

That’s what I wanted to do though.

Are there any nearby barrels?

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Excellent. My husband's rpg group has a druid, he's going to recommend summoning 8 monkeys now for all situations.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I hate it but having more dudes in the initiative is always way more effective to do first >;-(

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

I personally love doing the most chaos on the battlefield if possible!

I miss you, kenku druid who became a huge goose.

[–] AngryRobot@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

8 Axe Beaks are better. They're large beasts which let's you completely control the battlefield

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 3 points 2 months ago
[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

You will absolutely not regret summoning eight monkeys.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 11 points 2 months ago

If you heal the downed paladin, you'll only have 1 monkey.

[–] orenj@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 2 months ago

Summoners these days will never know the joy of maxing out a roll of 1d4+2 advanced mutant monkeys

[–] Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I hate paladins, not welcome in my team. Go finish him monkeys!

[–] backalleycoyote@lemmy.today 2 points 2 months ago

The paladin

[–] iamthetot@piefed.ca 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Assuming dnd 5e, obligatory mention that the caster is not supposed to choose what gets summoned with summoning spells. The caster picks a category ("8 creatures with CR etc etc"), and the GM determines what is summoned ("the GM has the creatures' statistics").

[–] dgdft@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

What am I missing?

Beastmaster ranger

You magically summon a primal beast, which draws strength from your bond with nature. Choose its stat block: Beast of the Land, Beast of the Sea, or Beast of the Sky. You also determine the kind of animal it is, choosing a kind appropriate for the stat block. Whatever beast you choose, it bears primal markings indicating its supernatural origin.

Druid familiar summon

You gain the service of a familiar, a spirit that takes an animal form you choose: Bat, Cat, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Octopus, Owl, Rat, Raven, Spider, Weasel, or another Beast that has a Challenge Rating of 0. Appearing in an unoccupied space within range, the familiar has the statistics of the chosen form, though it is a Celestial, Fey, or Fiend (your choice) instead of a Beast. Your familiar acts independently of you, but it obeys your commands.

Summon beast

You call forth a bestial spirit. It manifests in an unoccupied space that you can see within range and uses the Bestial Spirit stat block. When you cast the spell, choose an environment: Air, Land, or Water. The creature resembles an animal of your choice that is native to the chosen environment, which determines certain details in its stat block. The creature disappears when it drops to 0 Hit Points or when the spell ends.

[–] Phantaminum@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Summon beast that you pasted sounds like 2024, old one reads as fllows (taken forn DnD beyond)

You summon fey spirits that take the form of beasts and appear in unoccupied spaces that you can see within range. Choose one of the following options for what appears:

One beast of challenge rating 2 or lower Two beasts of challenge rating 1 or lower Four beasts of challenge rating 1/2 or lower Eight beasts of challenge rating 1/4 or lower Each beast is also considered fey, and it disappears when it drops to 0 hit points or when the spell ends.

The summoned creatures are friendly to you and your companions. Roll initiative for the summoned creatures as a group, which has its own turns. They obey any verbal commands that you issue to them (no action required by you). If you don't issue any commands to them, they defend themselves from hostile creatures, but otherwise take no actions.

The GM has the creatures' statistics. Sample creatures can be found below.

Edit:formatting

[–] iamthetot@piefed.ca 4 points 2 months ago

That looks like 5.5e which I'm not familiar with.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

It looks like it's for stuff like summon lesser demons, conjure animals, conjure woodland beings, conjure fey, planar ally, and conjure celestial

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 months ago

a primal beast

an animal form

a bestial spirit

None of those are 8 animals

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

obligatory mention that fuck you i'm the caster i'm choosing so the GM has less to worry about they're all magic flying cuttlefish

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Paladin should've known better than to get downed

[–] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 1 points 2 months ago

No you summon 8 wolves, pack tactics makes their attacks be at advantage... So useful.