this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
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[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

"13."

"She says 13, but I think she could take twi-- Why do you say that with such certainty?"

"It's... kind of why I need the new job."

[–] Aeri@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Sam Puckett ass response lol

[–] Apeman42@lemmy.world 45 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The deciding factor in this scenario is your willingness to pick one up by the ankles and bludgeon the others with them.

[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (4 children)

First graders are about 50 lbs. Pre-K and Kindergarteners would work better for this. Too much weight and you're going to lose power on the swing.

[–] new_world_odor@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Yeah but you also have to consider the psychological damage.

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 days ago

50 lbs on average. Just find one the right size and weight like picking out a bat before stepping up to the plate.

[–] railway692@piefed.zip 7 points 2 days ago

Pick up one in each hand and spam Whirlwind for the AoE damage.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 2 days ago

Greater momentum due to the weight means every hit will make a domino effect on the other attacking 1st graders

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 30 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Too vague.

  • How much time between waves?
  • Can I leave one first-grader "alive" to indefinitely recover at the end of a wave? Or can defeated members of a wave re-enter the fight if they have long enough to recover?
  • Do I get regular meal and sleep breaks assuming it goes on long enough?
  • How aggressive are they?
  • Is the attack coordinated? Like did they have time to prepare?
  • What does the arena look like?
  • What constitutes being finished beating one of them up?
  • Do I have to worry about taking it too far?
[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

Username checks out

[–] ech@lemmy.ca 15 points 2 days ago

Ask no longer - https://store.steampowered.com/app/3934270/How_Many_Dudes/

Played the (surprisingly lengthy) demo of this over Next Fest and found it pretty fun, though maybe a bit too easy.

[–] saturn57@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The limiting factor is definitely fatigue, assuming we already don't care about morals. I could probably take on like 3-15 waves of them, depending on how big they would be.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah, kicks to the head would be pretty easy and highly effective. But if you stumble you're in trouble.

[–] FenrirIII@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

She'll lose the job to Anakim

[–] ignirtoq@feddit.online 10 points 2 days ago

My first question would have been "is the fifth grader boss the entire fifth wave, so after 40 first graders, or the end of the fifth wave, so after 50 first graders?" Followed by "how much time do I get to prepare?"